Perfect In Weakness
by Elizabeth116
Summary: As Bella struggles with life and self comprehension after thirty years of being a vampire, Jasper is there to understand her and help her cope, but something develops that neither of them expected.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One:

Even though they tried to hide behind masks of indifference, after thirty years of being among them, Bella could read their emotions on their faces as she walked in the door. Alice would have warned them of her coming and what she had done, and though she had braced herself for the onslaught of pity and comfort, she did not want it.

Instead of rushing to her side and hugging her, coddling her, and soothing her in the manner that he had always done, Edward sat still at the piano bench. His face betraying the disappointment he felt, his eyes never fully meeting hers.

She turned from him, glancing around the room and trying to meet the eyes of at least one of her family members. Though their faces showed emotions ranging from pity to the same disappointment Edward had shown, they said nothing to her.

When her eyes finally found Jasper, leaning against the wall, his body strangely relaxed in the tense environment of the room, she found that unlike the others he was looking back at her.

As his golden eyes met her crimson ones, she saw nothing of the emotions that the others had shown. She saw only understanding.

"Bella…it's okay, we all love you, we're here for you," Edward finally said, his smooth voice distant to her ears, her concentration focused on the depth she found behind Jasper's stare.

Bella felt guilt wash over her, the same feeling she had felt countless times before when she had slipped and taken a life. She knew Jasper felt it too, because without breaking eye contact with her, Jasper spoke for her, his tone almost that of a warning, "Not now Edward."

Edward stood up as if to protest, but an overwhelming feeling of calm complacency swept the room and instead of moving to Bella as he had originally intended, he sat back down. Glancing at Jasper who had been the source of the change, a frown swept over his features.

The room was silent for a moment and Bella expected the onslaught of words to come tumbling out at any moment, but nobody seemed inclined to speak first. They looked at one another, but still nobody turned to look at her. Only Jasper remained fixated on her with steadfast deliberation.

Instead of fully entering the room and submitting herself to the comforting words she knew were coming, she turned and walked up the stairs. After entering her library and shutting the door, she stood and waited for the sound of their voices or for the footsteps on the stairs that she knew were inevitable.

She waited a few minutes, and when her expectations failed, she turned around and sat on one of her overstuffed arm chairs, picking up the book she had discarded on the small table beside her the day before.

Finally the faint sound of footsteps came from the floor beneath her, steadily growing louder as the person approached her door. Her eyes left her book, watching the entryway and awaiting Edward's appearance.

The door slid open, a tuft of blonde hair the first thing that Bella was able to see. Not Edward, Jasper. His eyes met her once more and she couldn't help but smile, a wave of relief crashing over her.

He waited there, the door ajar, staring at her expectantly. "May I?"

Sitting up more fully in her seat she attempted a more inviting smile, trying to convey that his presence was welcome to her, even though she knew he could feel what emotions had come over her when he had entered the room. "Yes of course."

Coming fully into the room and shutting the door, Jasper did not come to sit beside her; instead his eyes surveyed the room with appreciation. "I haven't been in this room since you added the upper section of bookshelves. It is a very fitting room for you."

"Oh?" Bella questioned, feeling slightly amused at his conversational tone.

He walked from one end of the room to the other; stopping at the ladder propped against the middle of the wide bookshelf and resting his elbow on it. "Everyone needs their place to go where they can just be themselves. No expectations, no pressure."

"What if we don't know who that self is?" Bella asked quietly, surprised at the question once it left her lips.

Jasper smiled, a small huff of laughter escaping his throat. "Well it's a good thing that we have eternity to figure that out huh?"

Bella laughed, shaking her head at him. "Even that doesn't seem to make it any easier."

Instead of responding, Jasper just nodded, moving away from the bookshelf and settling into the chair beside hers. He looked down at the floor as if in thought for a moment and Bella studied his face. Tracing the line of his jaw with her eyes, she mapped the contours of his features in a way she had never done before.

Still raking over his face with her eyes, almost without thinking she said, "I didn't want to kill that man. I'm sorry that I did, but I wish…"

She looked down at her hands, unable to find the words she needed to finish her thought.

"What do you wish Bella?" Jasper prompted his voice almost a whisper, his eyes turning from the floor to bore into hers.

Bella stared into his eyes, watching the thoughtful glistening of his butterscotch irises intently. She found herself studying the intensity behind his gaze, and looking at him in that way caused her to lose her train of thought.

A long moment passed, a moment in which any other person would have looked away from the eye contact, but neither of them moved.

Suddenly she remembered what they had been talking about and her eyes shifted down to her open palms resting on her lap. She took a deep breath as if preparing herself for what she was about to say, though unlike when she was human the action wasn't necessary.

"I wish…they knew, that they could feel what is inside me and just know…know what it's like, know how to respond."

Her eyes never left her palms as if she was searching for the answer within the granite lines of her skin. She knew Jasper could feel the pain and uncertainty that had begun to creep through her.

Jasper moved imperceptibly from his seat to the floor in front of her, gently taking both of her hands within his own. He looked up at her downcast face, his eyes searching her for a moment before he leaned forward, cocking his head to one side trying to meet her eyes.

Running his thumbs in smooth circles over the back of her palms, he exhaled deeply. "I can feel what's inside you, Bella."

A low sarcastic laugh left her lips, and she bit her bottom lip. "Of course you do, you can't help but feel what we all feel."

"No," he said quickly, "Of course that plays a part in it, but it isn't just that. It's so much more than that."

Bella felt her breath catch in her chest and she was suddenly aware of Jasper touching her. Though they had touched before, this was different. It was a touch filled with intimacy and understanding, a feeling that Bella had not experienced in a long time.

Looking up from her lap, and down into Jasper's face she tried but failed to scrutinize the emotion that was built up behind his eyes. Suddenly she felt that she could confess anything to him at that moment and he would implicitly understand her, even without allowing for the emotions he felt emanating from her to factor into it.

After all of the years she had spent with Edward, after many conversations well into the night, the deep looks and quiet moments alone with one another, he still was not able to fully understand what she felt or thought. She had tried in vain to explain her troubled mind to him, her yearnings and wishes, talking until her human voice would have gone hoarse. She loved him, and yet she couldn't help but think that maybe they had rushed things, that they hadn't fully considered what they had in common when it all began, their minds clouded with the initial dizzying breath of love and nothing more.

She could not help but think that she hadn't understood exactly what forever had meant.

She gasped quickly, pushing the thought from her head as if Edward had been able to listen to her and would hear her doubts.

"I've slipped more times than I can count," Jasper spoke, interrupting her thoughts. "I've seen the same disappointment in their eyes, especially in Alice's eyes, even though she thinks she is able to hide it. What they think is a reflection of what they see in us."

"Edward sees perfection in me, I don't understand it and it and in some ways it isn't fair."

"It isn't," Jasper agreed.

"He babies me. He treats me like I am the seventeen year old girl he met all those years ago. He is trying to maintain my innocence, but look at me I am too far passed that."

She looked down at Jasper expecting him to respond, maybe to agree with Edward's protective response to her or at least to excuse it in some way, but he said nothing. Taking a deep breath she continued. "He doesn't see me, the real me. He doesn't understand. Nobody does."

She had said it so quietly that it had come out in little more than a breath but she knew he had heard her clearly. The earnestness she saw in his eyes made her feel embarrassed and she looked away from him then, her eyes focused on the wall, waiting for the familiar creep of blush to her cheeks that she knew would never come.

Jasper moved one hand from her palm to her chin, turning her head towards him with little resistance and meeting her eyes, taking in the bright red irises without flinching. "I do."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two:

It had been hours since she came home, yet she hadn't had the strength to face Edward and to answer the stream of questions she knew would follow. Just like the numerous times she had slipped before he would have already watched the images of her draining the man's life in Alice's head as the vision came over her. But though he had intimate knowledge of what occurred and a vivid picture of the moment in his mind, he would not stop from asking Bella to talk about it as if that would help her troubled mind.

He did not understand, even after thirty years that at moments like this she did not want to talk, just to sit in the quiet of her mind. Even if all she could do was sit there feeling sorry for herself and berating herself for her weakness, it was her right to do that without the condescending comfort that Edward tried to provide.

Jasper had long since left her alone in her library, knowing unlike Edward that she needed to be alone. He had told her that he too cherished his moments alone, heading to a place deep within the forest to think and be away from the prying, pitying eyes of the family. He had probably been the one to keep Edward away this long because she knew without someone to stop him he would have come to her as soon as she had gone up the stairs. For Jasper's intervention and for his comforting and understanding presence, Bella was grateful.

It was strange to think that Jasper really understood how she felt and knew the pain and confusion that arose every time she was unable to ignore the primal urge to feed on human blood. It shouldn't be strange, having known Jasper's past. His anguished face alone the night he tried to take her life at her birthday party so many years before spoke volumes, and yet it was still difficult for her to fathom any sort of connection between herself and Jasper. Jasper was the most fiercely private member of the Cullen household. She never knew it would be possible to confide in him.

Staring out the window on the far wall of her library, she could see the sun begin to peak over the distant hills bordering the valley. Though she loathed the idea of facing Edward, she knew she had made him wait long enough to see her. Mustering up as much courage as she could, she left the library and headed to the room she shared with him.

"Bella," Edward said a she closed the door to their bedroom and made her way to the couch. He sounded relieved, and yet another emotion lingered in the tone of his voice. "I'm sorry about earlier, I know you said…"

Her mouth pulled into a tight smile as her eyes met his. "Don't Edward, it's fine."

He watched her for a moment, his face the stony mask she had often seen when they first met. "Did Jasper talk to you?"

"You know he did," she answered, rolling her eyes. She hated the distance between them, but she couldn't stop her sarcastic response, and she didn't have the urge to bridge the emotional gap that had been increasing over the years.

Edward took a deep breath and in a moment he was at her side, holding her hand tenderly, a hint of sadness behind his eyes. With a slight amount of hesitation he said, "I do understand you Bella. I know you."

Bella's eyebrows furrowed, anger and disbelief fighting for purchase in her voice, "You were listening?"

"Of course Bella, I worry about you, I want to protect you and help you," he replied, unaffected by her tone of voice.

"Eavesdropping on me isn't going to do anything and I don't need your help Edward. I am an adult and I can certainly take care of myself."

Edward moved closer, gripping her hand more tightly between his. "I know, I know you can, but I love you Bella. You're my life…"

Bella let out an exasperated sigh, pulling her hand away and moving across the room. "I love you too Edward, but I just need time, space. I need to figure myself out right now. Can you give me that?"

He watched her carefully, running a hand through his hair, fighting the urge to cross the room and hold her, but knowing it wouldn't be wise at that moment.

"I'll give you whatever you want," he replied, his voice low and emotionless.

Even though he tried to keep his tone neutral, it was an old game, one Bella had long since figured out. She knew he was hurting; he only hid it to protect her. A memory she had buried deep within the cob-webbed hallways of her brain, a human memory, one that had haunted her for months, sprung to the forefront of her mind for a moment. There Edward was, standing in the forest next to Charlie's house, rejecting her with the same lack of emotion as he was showing now.

Unlike then, she didn't believe the charade. If she looked closely at him, studying him as she had so often done, she could see the pain behind his eyes that he so expertly kept from his facial expression.

As much as she felt disconnected to Edward in recent years, her love for him had not vanished and the confusion and sadness in his eyes hurt her. She moved to him, putting her hands against his chest and holding her body close to him. Wrapping his arms around her, he placed a kiss on the top of her head, but said nothing.

She felt warm in his arms and for a moment she regretted the coldness of her attitude towards him. "Edward I…"

"No, Bella don't," he said quickly, interrupting her, "You don't need to explain anything. You take what time you need to make things right for yourself. Maybe Jasper can help you. Just promise me something."

"Anything."

Putting his hands on the side of her face, he took a long look into her eyes, searching for something that Bella didn't understand. He finally said, "When you're done, promise you'll come back to me."

She nodded, burying her head into his chest and wrapping her arms tightly around his body.

Though it was unusual to her at first after years of being so separate from him, it became easier as the days passed for Bella to spend time alone with Jasper. Alice had told him that what Bella needed was an ally if she was going to get passed her confused feelings, and that she had seen in Bella's future what his comfort would do to strengthen their family. He was happy to oblige, feeling oddly connected to Bella in a way he hadn't felt connected to anyone else in the family, especially after their conversation in her library the day before.

For Bella's part, she liked the comfortable ease in which they could spend time with one another, talking or just sitting in silence, whatever the moment necessitated. Edward always wanted to talk, figure out feelings or discuss things that had happened. Jasper instinctively knew when she did not want to speak, to just enjoy the quiet lull that filled the room; the only sound that of the distant cars that would not have been audible to human ears.

It was strange that just days before she had spent every moment she was not with Edward alone, feeling wholly unconnected to anyone, least of all Jasper. He had remained a remote entity, Alice's husband, a quiet unassuming figure in her life. Now he was the one whose presence gave her the most peace.

The peace she felt when she was near him could have easily been from his power to manipulate the mood of the room, but she knew it wasn't. Oftentimes his switching of moods felt forced and unnatural, but the tranquility she felt when he was near felt pure and untainted.

As they sat in her library, the sound of his steady breathing filled her ears as naturally as the silence had pervaded the space of the room. Bella couldn't help but turn away from her novel to look at him, counting his slow breaths as they came from his parted lips. He was aware of her quiet scrutiny but rather than turn to meet her eyes he continued to read his book.

As she studied his portrait, a memory struck Bella of his human past as he had relayed it so many years before. Life in Texas, the army, and his meeting with Maria that had led him to his fate.

She had tried for days after that to locate the sound of his heritage in his voice as he spoke, but the traces of his southern accent were very thin, barely slipping out on certain words. The years had put such distance between this moment and his former life and she wondered if he still thought of that past at all.

Human memories were said to fade, yet there were many things Bella still remembered from her life very vividly. Though they were vivid, like movies she played in her head, she had a hard time connecting who she was to the girl she had known. Almost as if she had lost herself somewhere. She wondered if it was the same way for Jasper or if his experience would be different because he had lived lifetimes longer than she had.

She tried to imagine what he would look like human. Where the scorching Texas sun would have touched his cheeks and left its traces in bronze. It was difficult to imagine his skin looking any different than the smooth white surface she had become accustomed to. It was even more difficult to imagine him without his scars. Somehow it didn't seem right to even try because they were so much a part of who he was. The battles had shaped him, changed him, without them he would not be the person sitting before her. The scars were part of his beauty.

"What color were your eyes, Jasper?" she asked suddenly, not bothering to explain what she meant by the question, knowing he would understand. Looking at the darkening hazel of his eyes, changing minutely every day since he had hunted, she struggled to conjure them into her vision in a different hue, but failed.

He looked up from his book, a small smile on his face. He studied her for a moment, wondering what had transpired in her mind to bring about the question, but instead of asking he simply answered, "Blue."

"I can't see that, all I see is you as you are now," she said simply, biting her bottom lip in thought. "Maybe if I looked closer…I don't know."

In a flash he was next to her, sitting on the arm of her chair, his book on the floor between his chair and hers. Their faces were close to one another and his eyes were trained to hers, their pupils locked to one another without movement.

He allowed her to look at him for a moment, before he said, "I still remember the brown of yours. Looking at you reminded me of humanity, I cherished it. Even if every second you were near I was struggling with the urge to drain you of your life," he hesitated, and then added, "I'm glad I didn't."

Bella smiled, still concentrating on his eyes, trying to imagine the blue pools they might have been in life, but more than that she was unwilling to break the look that was passing between them. The way Jasper locked her in his stare, barely a foot from her face would have caused her heart to flutter if it had been capable of beating. Something unknown was passing between them, and she could feel the magnetic pull she felt years before when Edward had locked eyes with her. Then it had been the pull of hunter and prey, the trance a part of Edward's attractive biology, but this was something different.

Slowly he leaned forward, inches from her face, his expression changing and confusion passing behind his eyes. She stopped breathing for a moment, readying herself for the moment she knew was coming, relishing in the feel of his breath on her face.

His scent was so different from Edward's, muskier, less sweet, but still attractive.

Though part of her urged her to move forward and close the last inches between them, she pulled away and said instead, "Do you ever think about time?"

Jasper lingered on the arm of her chair for a moment, still leaning toward her, frozen in place and unsure of what had just happened. Shaking his head slowly, clearing his mind of the strange feelings that had overcome him moments before, he finally let out a deep breath and responded, "Of course."

She was relieved that he had so readily accepted the misdirection, but at the same time Bella felt strangely disappointed in herself for breaking the moment.

"You'll have to be more specific in what you mean about time if you want me to comment any further, Bella," Jasper continued, a weak smile on his face.

"How it moves, how it feels, what relation it has to us when we seem to have all the time in the world. So often it feels so stagnant to me, and then at other times it moves with alarming speed, like it isn't eternity at all, but something far more remote. I never feel connected with it…I don't understand my place in it."

Jasper leaned back, but remained seated on the arm of her chair instead of returning to his own. "To me, time moves like a drum beat, like marching, it has its own rhythm and cadence. It moves slowly when I try and study it and more quickly when I forget it's there. Feeling connected to it is a matter of feeling the cadence and moving with it."

Bella couldn't help but smile at Jasper's assessment even though her mind felt as lost in contemplation as ever. "That's my problem; it doesn't have a rhythm to me. It is just disjointed. I wish I could find the meaning to everything. I never understood how much more difficult it would be to find meaning once I knew I would never die."

"Human life is given importance by the knowledge that death is imminent. We lose that when we are changed, it causes us to change priorities, to question more. It's natural to feel that way Bella," Jasper replied, gently covering her hand with his own in reassurance. "I have had more time alone in my own mind, and I still haven't even begun to fully understand."

"I used to think Edward was the meaning for my life, for living, like I had been fated to meet him. But now…I don't know," Bella shook her head, and suddenly felt a sob building in her chest. "I wish you didn't make it so easy for me to talk about these things Jasper. It'd be easier to forget it."

"You wouldn't be able to forget it though, Bella. Trust me I know these troubled thoughts have a way of resurfacing…maybe you should try and talk to Edward about all of this…"

As if on cue, but more likely because he had heard his name spoken, the sound of the door opening cut off their conversation and they both turned to see Edward peaking his head in the door, a sheepish expression on his face. "I'm sorry I don't mean to interrupt…"

"You're not at all," Jasper said, smiling at him and standing up from his position on the arm of Bella's chair.

Bella attempted to smile at Edward as Jasper had though her mind was miles away, "Come in, please."

Edward came into the room, walking over to her chair and sitting in the same place Jasper had just occupied. He kissed Bella quickly, and then looked at Jasper expectantly. As if Jasper could read his mind and not the other way around, he excused himself from the room. With one parting look at Bella and a small nod he was out the door.

Neither spoke for a moment and Bella played with the idea Jasper had brought up moments before. Perhaps she should try and talk to Edward in the way that she had with Jasper.

"Do you ever think about time Edward?" she tested, turning her body to face him.

Edward smiled in the winning way that only he could, warming her heart instantly. "Of course I do, I think that we have all the time in the world to be with one another. Is that what you're worried about? If so, don't be absurd, you should know by now."

Her heart sank at his words, and she instantly felt ten years old in his presence. Instead of answering her with all the seriousness that Jasper had, he chose to reassure her like she was still her insecure seventeen year old self who believed he wasn't good enough for her. Back then she had worried that one day he would disappear, but she had long since understood the ridiculousness of that idea.

Attempting a bright smile, she held onto his hand. She had known Edward babied her and often reverted to his earliest notions of her, but never before had she felt such a sharp contrast of treatment between two individuals. Jasper treated her as an equal, and she loved that feeling, but Edward seemed unable to relate himself to her in any way other than that of the protector and hero. His belittlement of her question and of her position as his partner stung her keenly.

She thought back to Jasper's presence there moments before and she felt a strange longing from deep within her chest. As she looked up at Edward's face, she remembered Jasper leaning forward, staring directly into her eyes, seeing her, not just a shade of her.

A dangerous and surprising thought came to her so suddenly that she nearly started forward; she wished ardently that Jasper had kissed her.

She had never been more thankful that Edward could not read her mind than she was at that moment.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three:

Bella was deeply troubled by her sudden wish that Jasper had kissed her. She couldn't think of anything else to do but separate herself from him, so for a few days Bella avoided Jasper's company. She feared her thoughts about him would continue or that they would be made manifest and she didn't want to consider the outcome of that. She knew though that inevitably her resolve would wane. She enjoyed being around him too much and hated losing the comfort and companionship he provided.

Though she was conscious of the void his absence had left, she would never admit that she missed him.

After analyzing the situation at length, she finally reasoned that it was only a fleeting thought and that it made no difference whether she thought it or not, all that mattered was that it hadn't happened and it wouldn't. This resolution satisfied her, though in the back of her mind she still had a sinking feeling that something wasn't quite right.

Jasper had been confused by her sudden distance, but didn't question her about it. Instead he made himself as scarce as possible. If she had wanted his company she could seek it and he didn't want to bother her with his presence if it was unwanted. After a few days she had come to him, smiling sheepishly, a book of poetry in her hands. They sat together and discussed it as they hadn't been separated at all.

Late in the afternoon a few days after Jasper and Bella's reunion, the Cullens sat around the living room partaking in various leisurely activities. The day had been much too sunny to do anything outdoors, and though they had relished in the time spent at home earlier in the day, they began to grow tired of being kept inside.

After studying the chess board carefully, Bella finally decided to move her bishop, knocking out Jasper's knight.

He raised one eyebrow at her, the right side of his mouth pulling up into a crooked smirk. "I'm beginning to think you pretended you couldn't play all those years ago."

Bella laughed, watching the board for his next move. "No, I've just had years of practice losing to everyone in the house. I think I picked up a tip or two."

They fell silent again, each studying the board carefully. Edward sat behind Bella, rubbing the small of her back affectionately. He watched them play closely, careful not to give her any hint as to what Jasper was thinking because he had already been chastised for it once.

Alice moved to Jasper's side, sitting down beside him and touching his shoulder with reassurance. She looked up at Bella, fighting the grin that was strenuously pulling at her features. "Oh Bella!" she nearly squealed with delight.

"Alice!" Jasper and Bella said in unison, then looked at one another and laughed.

"I know, I know! You don't want to know!" Alice replied, rolling her eyes. "But…"

"No," Bella warned, furrowing her eyebrows at Alice. "Can't you just keep a secret for once?"

"Fine," Alice said, pretending to sulk, but she couldn't hide the smile that still pulled at the corners of her mouth.

Bella frowned in concentration and eyed the board closely. Biting down on her bottom lip, she let out a sigh between her teeth. "Hmm…"

Jasper stared at her rather than the board, smiling slightly at the look of concentration on her face. He felt a strange warmth as he regarded her beauty so closely, but he shrugged it off instantly.

Edward's eyes shot up to look at his face, cocking his head to the side curiously. Though Jasper hadn't thought of anything particularly unusual, Edward still felt a tiny pang of jealously as Jasper thought of Bella's beauty. As his thoughts changed back to the strategy of the game and the apparent slowness of Bella's moves, Edward felt at ease again.

"Are you going to move sometime today?" Jasper joked gruffly.

"Yes!" Bella exclaimed, eyeing him menacingly and reaching across the table to smack him. Instead of hitting him hard, she hit him as softly as she would have had she been human. He looked at her and smiled, and when his eyes met hers she felt a jolt within her. She was instantly reminded of the moment in the library.

Looking quickly away from him and down at the board, she tried to find a piece to move. She felt embarrassment creep up and was glad for the hundredth time that she didn't have the ability to blush. Jasper eyed her carefully, feeling her emotions change rapidly.

While he watched her, she found the piece she wanted to move and a grin spread across her face. "Checkmate."

Jasper looked away from her down to the chess board and groaned. "I never lose at this game."

"Maybe if your mind was completely on the game you wouldn't have," Edward said purposely hiding the slight jealousy he had felt, causing his tone to be unreadable.

Both Jasper and Bella turned to him, and though he hadn't said anything about her, she felt suddenly guilty.

Edward watched a myriad of images flood through Jasper's mind, but he never focused on the thought that had made Edward comment on what he did, almost as if Jasper was purposely avoiding remembering it. The thought made Edward feel uneasy.

"Oh hush Edward," Alice said, breaking him from his thoughts and moving to Bella to hug her tightly. "I knew you were going to win!"

"Of course you did Alice," Bella responded, rolling her eyes, a friendly smile on her face.

Bella pulled away from Alice and looked at Edward quizzically, unable to let his statement go, even if she feared his response. "What did you mean by that?"

Sensing her disquiet, Edward grinned good naturedly and wrapped his arms around her, placing a kiss on her cheek.

"Oh nothing, love. Jasper was just thinking how beautiful you were," he said it as jokingly as possible, rolling his eyes.

Alice and Edward laughed, but Jasper and Bella stayed quiet, and Bella suddenly found something interesting on the hem of her shirt.

"Well that's no surprise," Alice said, still giggling. "Bella is beautiful. He was only staring at her the whole game."

Jasper managed a weak smile. "Hey I had to look at the board sometimes as well."

He looked up at Bella, taking in her response to the gentle ribbing of their loved ones, but her eyes never left her shirt.

"Look! There are clouds now!" Emmett exclaimed suddenly, startling everyone from their topic of conversation. They all turned to look at him expectantly. "We can actually go out and hunt."

"Alice?" Carlisle asked, looking up from his medical book.

She searched her thoughts for a moment, and then grinned triumphantly, "Yep, we are clear to hunt."

Emmett shot up, his bellowing voice causing an echo in the large room, "Woo!"

Edward laughed and grabbed Bella's hand, pulling her up with him. "Let's go."

Bella considered for a moment, and then remembered her book upstairs. Besides, hunting didn't seem that appealing to her at the moment. The time alone did.

"No, I think I'll stay here and read a bit. I just went out hunting the other day and I'm not really feeling up to it. I can go later on tonight if the need arises," she said, smiling brightly at Edward and hoping he wouldn't protest.

Edward eyed her warily, "I don't really want to leave you alone…"

"I'm a big girl, dear."

Edward smiled, putting his arm around her tightly. He remembered the comments she had made to Jasper about his treatment of her, so he relented. "I know, I know. Fine."

The rest of the family moved to leave, Edward and Emmett flying towards the back door, racing to Emmett's SUV with lightening speed. Bella could hear the sound of their laughs trailing back and she giggled.

Jasper had stood, but hadn't moved away yet. He looked at Bella, his eyes traveling over her face, searching.

Alice stood beside him, watching the family retreat out the back door with a smile on her face.

Suddenly her eyes went blank and unfocused as a vision came over her. _Jasper's mouth on Bella's. His eyes locked to hers with intensity, love present in his features. Him, running his hands down her face tenderly, gripping the ends of her hair between his fingers. More kisses, passionate, long, never-ending to Alice's pained eyes._

His whole future seemed to be shifting as she looked further and further into it. She snapped out of the vision completely when it became too much for her, taking in a sharp breath.

Pain and confusion permeated her tiny features, but she didn't say anything, afraid for a moment she wouldn't be able to control her voice

She looked from Jasper to Bella slowly wondering what could have transpired in the past weeks that would alter the future so dramatically.

She knew they had spent a lot of time together, but until this moment she hadn't seen anything that would have even caused her to bat an eye.

Suddenly Edward's joke about Jasper's thoughts during the chess game took on a new meaning. Looking at him now, she couldn't help but notice him watching Bella so closely.

"Jasper…" she said slowly her voice coming out more strongly than she had expected. She reached out to touch his arm tentatively.

"Hmm?"

He broke out of his trance and turned to look at her, a smile on his face. He instantly felt her emotion rolling off her body in waves. His face changed, a frown overtaking his smile. Stepping towards her, he put his hands on her shoulders. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she lied, staring into his eyes with quiet scrutiny. "You ready to leave?"

"I was thinking of staying here, actually" he said, furrowing his eyebrows at her pained expression.

Bella turned to look at him as he spoke, suddenly aware of their conversation, surprise coloring her features.

"Oh," she said, quietly. She hadn't expected Jasper to stay. Suddenly she felt worry fill her chest, but something akin to excitement as well. She swallowed a lump that formed in her throat.

Neither Jasper nor Alice acknowledged that she had spoken. They continued to stare at one another quietly.

Alice's visions pushed behind her eyes more fervently as a result of his words, the kiss becoming even more vivid and new moments of intimacy between the two of them flashing eagerly as Jasper's new future solidified itself.

"Do you want me to go with you?" he asked her, concern clear in his voice.

He looked deep into her eyes, trying to find what was hidden there.

As he considered going with her, Alice's vision shifted and she no longer saw the kiss. His future was becoming as steady to her as it had been their whole life together.

She took a deep breath, knowing then where the crossroads had lain. Even though she could feel the pain and fear double over in her chest as she considered the possibilities, she knew there was no other way for her to respond, as much as she wanted to influence the future she had seen. "I want you to do whatever it is that makes you happy."

He continued to watch her, setting his jaw tightly as he considered. The emotions coming from his wife were palpable, and though a part of him urged to stay with Bella, he didn't want to be the cause of so much pain in Alice. He had rarely ever seen her that way and he felt a new kind of fear brewing in the pit of his stomach.

He didn't know what she had seen that had caused such strong emotion, and perhaps he didn't want to know.

Glancing once more at Bella, who watched them with curious eyes, he took a deep breath and made a decision, ignoring the part of him that protested it. "I'll go with you."

Relief washed over Alice at his words and she pulled him into a firm hug. Even though she could see her vision of him shifting back to normal, her merriment was short lived.

She knew then that this was just one moment of many and for now Jasper had an uncertain future. She had no way of knowing when or if it would turn down the other path again.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four:

The atmosphere in the Cullen household had shifted, and it was suddenly as if everyone was tip-toeing around one another. Bella knew that the origin of the tension had been the day of the chess game and that Alice's vision and the long pained look she had given Jasper were somehow the crux of it. Nobody else had been there to see it and she had no idea what anyone else could have been thinking since the topic seemed to be off limits.

When Alice and Jasper had returned from hunting they had gone straight to their room without saying anything to anyone. Jasper had turned to Bella as he went up the stairs and looked deep into her eyes for a long moment, he looked as if he wanted to say something important but had turned and followed Alice without a word.

Bella shifted in her seat on the couch, remembering the moment vividly for a moment. She tried in vain to analyze his expression as he'd looked at her. She couldn't help wondering why she cared so much and why she was so concerned with whether or not Jasper had spoken to her. Somehow she expected him to come to her and talk about what was going on, and yet she knew not everyone was like Edward and felt the need to talk about their feelings. Jasper especially didn't talk about his feelings to anyone.

She had used Jasper as her confidante, but it didn't automatically mean that he needed to tell her everything that was on his mind.

Even though she knew that talking openly about everything wasn't a part of his character and that he had no obligation to tell her of all people, the thought still hurt her.

"Edward," Bella said, pulling his attention away from the book he was reading beside her.

"Yes, love?" he replied, looking up at her, a smile forming on his lips.

"Do you know what Alice's vision was about?" she asked, trying to keep her voice light.

Edward's face darkened immediately, and he frowned. "No."

Bella sighed in exasperation, "You have to know something. You can read minds."

Edward's jaw tightened in frustration, and he ground his teeth together for a moment before answering, "Yes Bella, and if I knew anything I would tell you. Alice and Jasper have kept their minds conveniently aloof. All I got out of them when they first got home was that Alice was concerned about losing Jasper. When she saw me she quickly shut me out."

"Why would she be concerned about that?" Bella asked, her voice coming out surprisingly weak, a sinking feeling in her stomach.

"I have no idea. It has to be serious, otherwise they would have told us something by now," Edward replied, still irritated. "I hate when they block me out. I don't understand why it's so necessary. It's not like this family really has any secrets…especially between Alice and I."

Bella shrugged as if uninterested but her mind was working overtime. Pieces were falling into place slowly, and she felt as if she was on the verge of a realization. _Alice's vision, Jasper wanting to stay home, her pained expression, and her concern for losing him._ It all seemed to be leading to something, but Bella didn't want to believe that it was the answer.

She remembered Jasper's face as he went up the stairs and his avoidance of her since it happened. Her mind shot back to her library, his face inches from her, his breath on her face. _Oh god._

"I'll be right back," Bella said quickly to Edward and was up the stairs before he had a moment to respond. Walking down the hallway she stopped in front of Alice and Jasper's door waiting for Alice to tell her to come in like she usually did. Of course she always saw her coming.

When nobody said anything, she knocked and waited. She could hear someone pacing behind the door, but they didn't acknowledge her at all.

"Jasper?" she said quietly. The person behind the door stopped pacing for a moment and she knew she had guessed right. "Come on Jasper, this is silly. What is going on?"

He opened the door, a reluctant look on his face. He was focused on the ground, almost as if he wanted to look anywhere but at her face. When his eyes finally met hers she couldn't help but note the sadness in them.

Bella stood there awkwardly for a moment, not exactly sure what to say, even though she knew what her intent had been in coming there. She cleared her throat nervously, "Umm…is Alice here?"

Jasper's eyes went dead at the question, "No, she went shopping with Rosalie."

"Oh," Bella responded, not sure of what else to say.

Jasper stood in the doorway staring at her expectantly. He had never seemed as impatient with her as he did at that moment and Bella felt the sting behind her eyes where her tears would have been. When she failed to say anything he finally spoke, his words coming out in a harsher tone than he intended. "Well? Did you need something else?"

"No," she said quietly. She tried to meet his eyes, but he looked past her. She turned to go, but just before he had time to close the door she turned back around to face him, "Jasper…"

He couldn't help but looking at her then, his eyes filled with sadness again, and something more. "Bella…I can't do this right now."

She studied his expression for a moment. "Can't do what? I just want to talk."

Jasper groaned, clenching his fists at his side in frustration. "Don't you get it, Bella? That's the problem. I just can't be around you right now."

Bella looked at him, her expression was confused, but she didn't feel the same emotion internally. Her mind replayed her earlier thought process and reason for coming up the stairs. She felt herself stop breathing. "Jasper I…"

He took a step towards her and hesitated, quickly moving away, clenching his fists by his sides even tighter. "We can't talk about this here. There are too many prying eyes and ears. Let's go out into the forest."

Bella nodded slowly, unable to say anything more in response.

Jasper flew down the stairs and out the door and Bella followed, wanting to know the truth but fearing it just as much.

When he finally stopped running they were miles from the house, out of earshot of any of their curious family members. He had brought her to a small clearing, fallen trees lying around a wide circle of forest, leaving a large portion of forest floor clear in the center. It almost looked as though it was purposely set up in that arrangement. The sky was wide open above them, the only spot in the center of the forest that wasn't covered by a canopy of trees.

"It's beautiful," was all Bella could think to say. She looked around them and up at the sky above as Jasper paced in the clearing.

"Bella…" Jasper began, walking back and forth, his hands behind his back, his posture reminding Bella momentarily of marching.

Bella moved closer to him, reaching out to touch him, but he moved back. "Jasper, what did Alice see? Whatever it is you can tell me."

He laughed derisively at her words, looking up at her with incredulous eyes. "You can pretend you don't know Bella, but you do and I can feel it on you. You don't feel curious or inquisitive, you feel guilty and nervous."

Bella's eyes went wide for a moment, "I don't know anything Jasper. I thought of something, right before I came to your room, but it's crazy. It couldn't be that."

Jasper stood a few feet away, staring deeply into her eyes. She looked back with as much intensity as he had and she felt the same connection she had felt in her library, the same magnetic pull. She moved toward him slowly, but he abruptly turned around and walked a few paces away, almost to the edge of the clearing.

With his back still towards her he said, his voice calculated and emotionless, "Alice has seen my future change, Bella. She saw something I would have never thought possible, but the more I allow myself to consider it, to feel the implications of it, I become ever more aware of the frightening reality of it. If I don't fight it, it could change everything. Not just for me but for the whole family."

Bella waited for him to continue with bated breath, wishing she could see his face and see the emotion in his eyes that was absent from his voice.

He filled his lungs with air and let it out slowly, the action not having the calming effect he was hoping for. When he continued, he turned around and looked directly at her from across the clearing. "You're anxious and afraid and I'm sorry for that. You said you wanted to know, and I am trying to tell you. I don't like to talk about things like this. It is much easier to analyze them and come up with a solution in my head without involving others."

Bella continued to watch him curiously, wanting to prod him further, but knowing that it was best to let him speak if he wanted to. She didn't want to scare him away either, she needed to know what was going on and she knew deep down that it concerned her just as deeply as it did him and Alice.

Jasper looked at her warily, his eyes filling with frustration and the same sadness as before. He growled low in his chest. "There is something about you that is so infuriating and interesting simultaneously. You make me feel the need to tell you what I'm thinking."

Bella smiled slightly at this confession, remembering her musings about him earlier in the day. Perhaps she wasn't the only one who considered him a confidante.

In one quick stride he was standing before her again, his hands gripping her arms tightly, his face inches from hers, the two opposing emotions of desire and duty warring inside of him.

"Every time I talk with you, look at you, exist in the space near you…I…" he stopped abruptly, a breeze blowing through the trees and the strong scent of human blood drifting into his nostrils. By the look in Bella's eyes she had caught the same sent. Both their pupils clouded over to black, and Jasper's grip on her arms tightened.

Bella could tell that he would run in a moment and she feared the repercussions of such a decision. If he ran surely she would as well and they would both be partners in taking another human life. His head turned in the direction of the scent, and he took in a deep breath absorbing it into his nostrils.

"Jasper! Jasper, look at me!" Bella yelled, breaking him from his daze and causing him to stare back at her. "Do not take your eyes off of me, you got that? We can do this together."

He nodded slowly, trying to hold his breath and focus on the woman in front of him. His pupils locked to hers and another emotion invaded him, overshadowing the primal urge of hunger. He could feel a familiar desire creeping into him, starting from his core and working its way outward. He knew then that Alice's vision would have changed again, this time he didn't think it would change back.

Bella stared at him with just as much intensity, her mind focused on him and not the mortal who was unknowingly in such close proximity to vicious predators. She was conscious of his hands gripping her arms tightly, his face less than a foot away, the scent of his breath a tempting invitation. She bit down on her bottom lip, never taking her eyes from his. Suddenly she felt very warm.

Jasper could feel a desire similar to his radiating from Bella's body and it became increasingly harder to avoid his urge, no longer that of killing.

In an instant, his hands moved from her arms to the sides of her face. Gripping her hair tightly in his hands and pulling her head to his with force, he pressed his lips against hers passionately, causing a gasp to escape her lips and her breathing to catch in her chest.

Bella's hands hung limply at her sides for a moment, her body going weak. As he parted her lips with his tongue, forcing his way in and circling her tongue with his, a wave of passion rocked her body. Without being able to think about anything else but the man in front of her, her arms shot up, wrapping around his back, digging her fingernails into his flesh and kissing him back with incredible force.

He moaned against her lips, the sound coming out almost like a growl. She felt warmth flood the lower half of her body and she pressed herself up against him. When he felt her body move into his, his hands flew from her face down to her thighs, gripping them and picking her up so that her legs wrapped around him securely.

She moaned at the feeling of their bodies molded together so provocatively and the hard length she could feel pressed against her. Their mouths moved more furiously together as Jasper darted towards the edge of the clearing, her legs still wrapped firmly around him. He pushed her up against a tree with passionate strength, a loud cracking of wood resonating into the forest. Neither noticed the sound.

A moment later, the tree came crashing to the ground and both of them shot their eyes open, realization dawning on them. They separated from one another like shrapnel.

They landed on opposite ends of the clearing. Bella's breath was coming out in ragged bursts, her body tingling with heat and a sudden ache at the loss of Jasper's embrace.

Jasper continued to stare at her, a myriad of emotions coming over his face, his eyes still clouded with desire.

Bella watched him with hungry eyes, running her tongue over her bottom lip. His eyes watched her tongues motion and his body shuddered.

"Bella…"Jasper said his tone husky, low and full of warning.

She ignored him, pouncing through the air and knocking him to the earth with a loud thud. She landed on top of him, straddling his waist. She kissed him hard, thrusting her tongue into his mouth without reserve.

He kissed her back eagerly, only allowing her to remain in control for a moment before he flipped her over fiercely, grabbing her wrists and pinning them over her head.

She could feel her desire increase twofold and she was barely aware of the fact that it was not only her own emotions she was feeling but Jasper's as well. He had lost control of his ability in the frenzy.

His mouth left her and he began kissing her neck with the same animalistic passion, sucking and nipping at her skin as he trailed his way down her exposed flesh.

She whimpered at the buzzing of electric current under every inch of her skin.

"Oh, Jasper," she moaned. At the sound of her throaty exclamation he growled loudly and brought his mouth back up to hers, kissing her deeply and then biting down hard on her bottom lip.

His hips began rocking into hers, rubbing his length against her and causing her to moan once more. He shifted her hands so that he held them both down under one of his and moved his other hand down, pushing it up her shirt to cup her breast.

She could feel the yearning bubbling over inside of her. The way he kissed her was astounding. The primal force and erotic violence of it was almost too much for her. It had never felt this way with Edward before, he had never let go like this.

Jasper pulled away reluctantly from kissing her, breathless. "If we keep going we aren't going to stop..."

Bella looked deeply into his dark eyes, black with desire that mirrored her own. As much as she didn't want to stop, she knew it wouldn't be right to continue. She sighed in frustration, closing her eyes and leaning her head back against the dirt.

"You're right," she said quietly, and before she could say another word he got up. Instantly, she missed the weight of his body on top of hers.

She got to her feet, pulling a few leaves from her hair and straightening her shirt. They stood in the clearing looking at one another for a moment before Jasper spoke, irony coloring his voice, "Now you know what Alice's vision was about."

She hung her head, studying a spot on the ground. "I had a feeling that was the case. The moment in the library…" She let herself trail off.

Jasper nodded, letting out a deep breath, trying to calm the aching desire in his body. He was glad she had agreed to stop, because if she hadn't there was no way he would have been able to.

"What do we do now?" Bella asked, reaching out to put her hand on his arm, but deciding immediately against the contact and dropping her hand to her side.

"I don't know," he said honestly.

"Alice…and Edward," she swallowed a lump at his name. _Edward_.

Jasper put his face in his hands for a moment and shook his head slowly. "I know," was all he said.

"Alice already knows, she would have already seen everything that just happened," Bella said, a feeling of shame washing over her.

He clenched his jaw tightly looking off into the distant forest. "She told me that ever since the night we went hunting my future has shifted back and forth. Every time I thought of you—looked at you—it changed. She knew it was inevitable that I would fall to my weakness. I told her I could manage whatever this was, get over it, but she was right."

Bella was silent, regarding his profile with mixed emotion. She could not help but see the sadness and defeat in expression. Without thinking she moved to him, pulling him into an embrace. He hesitated and then hugged her back tightly, enjoying the feeling of comfort and understanding she provided.

"We should get back to the house," he said softly, pulling away from her and moving out into the forest. She stood for a moment watching him go and then reluctantly followed him. She moved slowly, afraid to face whatever awaited them at home.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five:

They hadn't gone far when Alice appeared in their path, blocking them from their retreat home. She looked calmly between them, eyeing first Bella and then Jasper carefully, as if trying to decide something. Bella felt guilt wash over her, and for a moment it was so strong that she wasn't sure if it came from her or from Jasper.

"You can't go home yet. I have to say something that I don't want everyone else to hear," she said, her voice low but resolute. She looked at Jasper pointedly, catching his eyes as if communicating something to him that only the two of them would understand.

Bella couldn't help but see the pain in her eyes, and she could feel the familiar sting behind her own.

She felt awkward, staring at her best friend and wanting to go to her, but knowing that she was the cause of the pain and couldn't be the cure.

She remembered the moment in the clearing, the images playing vividly in her mind, and she tried to conjure up a feeling of regret but it wouldn't come. The absence of the feeling made her feel nauseous, and she wondered in passing whether or not vampires were capable of being physically sick.

Not sure what to do, Bella's thoughts turned to retreat. She hesitated, watching the look passing between Alice and Jasper before saying, "Maybe I should go…"

She took a step to go toward the house, but Alice's head shot quickly in her direction and suddenly she looked angry rather than pained. "No, what would the point in that be? You're part of this Bella. So stay, and listen."

She had never heard Alice speak as harshly to her as at that moment, but she knew she deserved it. Stepping back into place behind Jasper she put her head down meekly, brushing the dirt on the bottom of her shirt off in shame.

They stood there quietly for a moment as if nobody knew exactly what to say. Jasper still stared intently at Alice, his eyes communicating what his voice could not. Suddenly, though nothing had been spoken he said, "You can't."

Alice frowned, taking a step towards him and putting her hand on his forearm tenderly. Her eyes were soft, her mouth pulled into a tight line. "Jasper…I told you that if the future I predicted came true I would have to leave, at least for now."

Bella gasped, looking up at Alice with wide eyes. "Alice…" she said quietly, almost pleading.

Alice looked at her for a moment, her eyes filling with a new sadness. "I have to. You two have to figure this out, whatever it is. You can't do that with my visions influencing everything. You have to let it follow its course."

Jasper made an exasperated sound, drawing Alice's attention back to him. "You leaving is not part of the 'course.' You have to be part of the decision. You can't just step aside and let this happen."

She sighed, "This isn't something I want to do Jasper. It hurts; I know you can feel that. But I've looked at the future from a hundred different directions, trying to avoid the outcome, but it always comes out the same. I wanted to fight it, but I know now that I can't. This time you guys have to do it without me. Trust me, I know."

She winked at Bella, acknowledging her own joke, but it was a hollow act, there was no humor in it.

Then as if she had pulled the thought out of Bella's head she put her tiny hands on the side of Jasper's face and looked up at him with intensity. "Do you regret it?"

Jasper didn't answer for a long moment and Alice regarded his expression closely. He continued to stare at her, but didn't respond. Her question hung in the air and Bella felt the tension between them double in intensity.

She wasn't sure why, but almost as eagerly as Alice, she hung in limbo waiting for him to answer the question. The answer she hoped for scared her.

"Do you regret it?" Alice repeated, her tone taking on a slightly harder edge. Her impatience was clear, but she was also reluctant to hear what she knew he was going to say.

Jasper closed his eyes slowly, unwilling to look at Alice when he responded, his voice broken, "No."

Alice nodded, taking a deep breath and for a moment her body seemed to shake, betraying her feeling below the calm exterior she portrayed.

Jasper's eyes opened, his hands grabbing Alice's between his and holding them tightly. "I'll chase you…I won't just let you leave. Everywhere you go, I'll go."

Alice cocked her head to the side, her eyes looking as if they would fill with tears at any moment, though that was impossible. "No, Jasper, you won't."

She said it so matter-of-factly that he knew it was not simply an opinion.

His shoulders dropped in defeat, and when he spoke his voice came out sounding more desperate than he would have liked, "But I love you Alice."

"I know," she responded, pulling one hand away to touch his face. "But that isn't enough right now."

Alice paused, though she knew Jasper wouldn't respond. He didn't know how to. "I'm going to visit Tanya and Kate, nobody knows right now. Edward suspects something is wrong, but he hasn't been able to see any of my plans yet."

Bella took in a sharp breath at the sound of Edward's name, though he had never really left her mind. Alice glanced over at her quickly, a mix of emotions on her face.

"No, he doesn't suspect anything close to the truth." She paused before continuing, her voice full of caution, "He is going to find out though, Bella. They all will. This isn't going to pass as if nothing happened. You will have to decide what it is all worth to you."

She turned to Jasper, "Both of you will."

Bella let the thought sink into her for a moment. What was it worth to her? She wasn't sure.

"Alice," Bella began, taking a step toward her, still hesitant. She didn't know what to say, the only ones she knew sounding feeble, even to her ears. "I'm sorry."

All she could do was nod at Bella, looking at her with dark, empty eyes. Alice was sure she was sorry for something, but from what she had seen of what occurred, she wasn't sure those words could ever make up or what Bella had knowingly done to her.

"I can't forgive you just yet, but I don't hate you," she said finally. "I should be angry, maybe I am, but it won't change anything that has and will happen."

Bella couldn't even nod to acknowledge. She felt her heart breaking. She couldn't even imagine what it would feel like to face Edward when he knew.

They stood there in silence again, looking at one another, though they all knew the conversation was over.

Jasper reached out and touched Alice's cheek, and she closed her eyes, leaning into his hand. She leaned up and kissed him softly on the lips and squeezing his hand quickly before letting go and stepping away.

She turned to go back to the house and when Jasper moved to follow her she stopped him, "No, you can't go back right now. You won't be able to keep this out of your thoughts. Bella and I will go."

Jasper looked at her dejectedly and his expression broke Bella's heart. "Alice…please…" he said.

She managed a weak smile. "You'll see me again, I promise."

He looked at her again as if taking in a final image of her face and then in an instant he was gone, sprinting into the forest.

Bella and Alice stood for a second staring into the wood in the direction he had gone. The awkwardness she had felt before crept back in and Bella felt the urge to run after Jasper and hide.

"You ready?" Alice asked, her voice sounding weaker without Jasper there.

Bella laughed, but it came out almost like a sob. "Ready for what? I don't know what I'm going home to."

Without responding, Alice turned and dashed into the forest in the direction of the house. Reluctantly, Bella followed her, fearing then even more than before what was back home. She had no idea how they would explain Alice's absence or how she would look at Edward with the memory of Jasper's lips on hers replaying in the back of her mind.

Alice was already inside when she arrived, and she expected to hear voices but it frightened her even more that she heard none.

When she walked in the door Emmett and Rosalie were sprawled on the floor playing some elaborate game and Edward sat on the couch with his book still in his hand. Hers lay where it had fallen when she raced up the stairs to speak to Alice and Jasper.

He looked up when she walked in with a smile on his face, but it instantly fell when he saw her expression.

Before she knew it he was at her side, cradling her face in his hands, "What's wrong Bella?"

She felt a sob in her throat as she looked at his face. _So full of concern, so full of love._

He looked at her expectantly but she couldn't get the words to come, and even if she could she wasn't sure what she should say.

As Bella struggled with words, Alice came down the stairs and Edward turned from Bella to his sister quickly, his eyes wide. "You're leaving? What? Why?"

Emmett and Rosalie were suddenly uninterested in their game, eyeing Alice eagerly.

"What gives?" Emmett asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

"I'm going to Denali for awhile," Alice responded, trying to keep the emotion out of her voice.

Edward studied her face, trying to hear the thoughts behind her words. After a moment his face filled with frustration. "Why are you blocking me out?"

Alice sighed, and glancing at Bella for a moment. She considered letting Edward know. She shook her head quickly, pushing the thought out of her head.

"Let me know what, Alice?" He looked quickly between Alice and Bella, and back again, "Someone tell me the truth!"

The room remained silent, and Alice looked at her brother with sympathy. "I can't. All you can know now is that I'm going. I'll be back, but I don't know when."

Alice picked up her bag and moved to the door, but Edward moved into her path. "There is no way I am letting you leave like this. Carlisle and Esme aren't even here! Were you just going to leave without saying anything to them?"

"Of course not," Alice said indignantly. "They know I'm leaving. I told them yesterday."

Bella gasped and Edward turned to look at her for a moment before turning to Rosalie and Emmett. "Rosalie, please help me. You want her to leave?"

"No," she replied, but didn't move to intercept Alice. She just studied her pained expression curiously. "I know she has her reasons. She wouldn't leave unless she did."

Edward groaned in frustration.

"Jasper!" he exclaimed in sudden realization and Bella flinched noticeably. "He can't be okay with this. Where is he?"

Alice just looked at him, trying to keep the incident out of her head along with any sign of pain, but she couldn't help but remember the image of him in her head as he left.

Edward contemplated the image for a moment, confused. "Why did he look like…like he was going to cry? Alice, what happened?"

Frustration began to overtake the pain she felt in leaving and she couldn't help but snap at Edward, "You don't have to know everything, Edward. Stay out of this. You'll know soon enough."

He stared at her with wide eyes and reluctantly moved out of her way. She moved to go out the door but then stopped, her expression softening. Suddenly she threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly. It was her way of saying goodbye, but Edward thought he could feel something else behind the hug. Comfort? Sympathy?

She pulled away and he looked at her with doubt, trying to read her thoughts but she still blocked him as effectively as before. All he could feel as he probed into the corners of her mind was pain.

Alice walked away from him, hugging Rosalie and Emmett in turn. With a parting look at Bella and a slight nod she was out the door.

Edward stood in his place dumbfounded at her exit. "Bella…?" he questioned turning to her.

She looked at him numbly, biting her bottom lip and feeling her chest contract. Between her guilt, her pain and her startling lack of regret she didn't know what to feel when she looked at Edward's beseeching eyes.

"You know something don't you?" Edward probed. "I can see it. She didn't even hug you. What is going on Bella?"

Bella shook her head slowly, fighting the sobs she knew were coming. "No. I just knew she was leaving."

Rosalie watched Bella's expression change and she frowned, looking between her and Edward, unsure of what to make of the exchange.

"Just leave it Edward," Rosalie said, "Alice will be back."

Edward looked at Bella, unsure of what to think. He wished at that moment he could read her mind more than ever before. At the same time he was confused as to why Bella would hide something from him in the first place.

But as he contemplated the look of pain in her face he realized she was probably hurting from her best friend leaving so suddenly and he decided to stop, let her calm down and ask her again later.

"Where is Jasper, anyway?" Emmett asked, "Shouldn't someone go look for him?"

"I will," Bella said, a little too quickly. Anything to get away from the tension and guilt she felt as she stood in front of Edward. She wouldn't admit it was anything more than that.

Edward looked at her quizzically for a moment, and then said, "That's probably best, you have been closest to him recently. He'll need a friend right now."

His concern for Jasper cut into Bella and the oxygen drained from her lungs. She couldn't help but consider what he would do if he knew what had happened. She was sure the concern would turn into something much more dangerous. The thought made her feel protective of Jasper.

"Do you have any idea where to look?" Edward questioned.

"I have an idea where he is," she said, thinking of the clearing in the forest. Images of Jasper kissing her, his lips trailing over her neck and her fingernails digging into his back filled her and she felt a mix of guilt and desire. She took a deep breath.

Edward watched her face change expressions in rapid succession and he moved to her in concern. Hugging her to him tightly and stroking her hair.

"It will all work out," he said, attempting to comfort her though he wasn't quite sure for what reason.

Bella couldn't respond, the feeling of Edward hugging her, comforting her after what she had done causing another tearless sob to build in her throat.

As she pulled away, she smiled feebly and went out the door.

Running in Jasper's direction, she couldn't help but feel revolted with herself when she realized that one emotion was rising in her, pushing aside all others. Anticipation.

After everything that had happened; Alice leaving and Edward's heart wrenching concern, she wanted to see him again, and she hated herself for it.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six:

Jasper heard Bella approach from at least a mile off, but he knew even before he heard her hurried footsteps that she would return to him. Part of him wanted it, to see her face and run his fingers along her smooth skin again, but the other part knew the wrongness of it and knew what damage it had caused and would cause if he allowed his desires to continue.

When she came to a stop at the edge of the line of trees she saw him, lying in the center of the clearing facing the sky streaked pink with the setting sun, eyes closed as if in sleep.

He urged to open his eyes and look at her, but he wouldn't let himself erase the image of Alice's face that replayed behind his eyelids. He needed to be reminded of her, especially now when the temptation was so near.

Bella said nothing as she moved to his side, sitting down on the ground a few feet from him. Crossing her legs and resting her chin against her palm, she ignored her impulse to reach out and touch him and regarded the color of the sky instead of his face.

"It's beautiful," she said.

He didn't respond, ignoring the way his heart tugged at the sound of her voice.

She wasn't hurt by his lack of response, but it bothered her that she had no idea what to do. She was used to filling the silences with conversation, covering up any tension with words. With Jasper, it was entirely different and though she had been anxious to see him again and to experience the strange fluttering that his presence caused in her, she was at a loss for where to go next.

Shifting positions, she lay down beside him, but still more than a foot away, keeping the space between them that she felt was necessary.

After a few minutes had elapsed he took a deep breath, taking in her scent and expelling the stale air that he had been holding in his lungs. He let a few moments of silence pass, his brain flipping rapidly between thoughts of Bella and memories of Alice.

The look on her face in the instant before he had run into the forest, the mix of pain and understanding present there, had killed him. For him to have caused the torment she now felt, and also her separation from her family was almost too much for him to bear.

What made matters worse was how calm he felt with Bella near, how right. He couldn't understand how one moment he could be heartbroken with Alice's departure and the next moment excited by Bella's presence. He had never felt such conflicting emotions caused not by those around him, but by his own inner turmoil.

He couldn't help but remember when he had first met Alice, the way she was so sure of herself, sliding off the diner stool and coming towards him, expecting him. He had never been that sure of himself before, able to move through the world with the knowledge of the future as a guide. He knew that was why she left; she wanted him to make his decisions without the assurance of her visions, to make the decisions from his heart without influence.

"Do you know what it was like when I met Alice?" Jasper asked quietly, breaking the silence and startling Bella. He didn't know why but her proximity made him want to talk once again, telling her the thoughts that clouded his brain. There was a kinship between them, strengthened now by their shared knowledge of the situation and the distance that it put between them and the rest of the family.

"I've heard the story, but I don't know what it was like," she responded, carefully choosing her words to allow him to continue. She wanted him to talk, to hear his voice. It was easier to listen to him than to allow her own thoughts to overtake her.

"She came up to me, so confidant. I was lost then, wandering, trying to find some sort of meaning or method of understanding myself. I began to feel despondent, unsure if I would ever find the peace that Peter and Charlotte had found with one another."

He paused, remembering his past and trying to find the words to say that could accurately express what he felt to Bella. He opened his eyes but didn't turn to look at her. Out of the corner of his eye he could see her eyes on him.

"Suddenly there is Alice, looking at me as if she knows me, the real me. I didn't know how it was possible. She allowed me to hope in a way I had scarcely allowed myself to hope before," he stopped, sadness overtaking him at the memory of Alice's smiling face upon their first meeting.

He could feel a sob building and he wasn't sure if he would be able to continue. He was not one to cry, to express his emotion in such a way that it was visible to all others, but he couldn't think of the once happy and hopeful Alice now broken.

Bella didn't push him, only moving her body slightly towards him, hoping her proximity would help him and not hurt him further.

He took a deep breath before he continued, wanting to finish his thought. Somehow, saying everything to her aloud helped him to organize his thoughts and understand his feelings better.

"It was easy to love her. She had seen our future and was so sure of me, of the two of us. She already loved me then, the moment we met. I could feel her love emanating from her with such intensity. It…"

He took a deep breath, trying to process his thought. "I guess it has always been easier for me to feel other's feelings rather than my own."

Though he had thought about it before, it hurt to admit it, and it was the first time he had said it aloud. He pushed the thought away as soon as he expressed it, fearing the direction it would take him if he allowed himself to continue along that path. He knew it would cause him to question much more than he was willing to at that moment. Changing the subject he went on, "She gave me a future, a family, and I…I took it all away from her."

Jasper went silent, closing his eyes again, trying to fight back invisible tears. Bella regarded his sorrowful face closely, her chest aching as if she could feel his pain. She hated to see him that way, more used to his guarded stoicism than anything else. Hesitantly she moved her hand towards his, barely brushing the skin with her fingertips, allowing him every opportunity to pull away.

He felt her skin touch his lightly, almost as if a feather had grazed his hand. The way the spot she touched tingled and his chest tightened scared him. He sucked in a breath, considering ripping his hand away, afraid of the outcome if even the lightest contact was able to bring on a reaction.

But he realized that he didn't want to pull away, instead he put his hand over hers, feeling her hand turn over palm facing his palm. With their fingers aligned, he measured the size of his hand to hers, his much larger fingers dwarfing hers. He bent the tips of his fingers, caressing hers lightly.

Interlacing his fingers with hers, rubbing her hand lightly with his thumb, he realized there was no danger of temptation. Laying on the ground in the clearing, staring into the night sky, his hand clasped tightly with Bella's, all he felt was happiness.

Alice flashed in his mind again, her sadness not matching up with his momentary feeling of elation. He considered letting go, drifting back into his depression, knowing it was what he deserved. But instead of letting go, he held on a little tighter, allowing himself to feel what touching her did to him, at least for a moment.

Bella mistook his tightening hold on her hand as sadness and a need for comfort, she took a deep breath, ignoring what his scent did to her as it filled her nostrils. "She'll come back," she said quietly hoping she could choose the right words, confused as to why they hurt her so much to say, "If we end this here and now, she'll be back."

Jasper let a moment pass in silence, taking in one deep breath after another. He tilted his head a bit towards her, stealing a glance, and warmth flooded him. He looked back up at the darkening sky before she had a chance to look back. "What if I don't want to end it?" he asked, his voice too low for human ears to pick up.

Bella closed her eyes, furrowing her eyebrows together, taking a deep breath of her own. "Jasper…"

"I know," he said quickly, his voice pained. "But Alice said we needed to figure this out. She's right."

Bella nodded, knowing he would see the movement. As much as she didn't understand her feelings, she knew that a part of her wanted desperately to touch Jasper, kiss him again, and figure out why she felt so much when he was near. She knew she shouldn't, but it didn't mean it made her want it any less.

"I don't think I'd be able to forget if we made the decision to just stop. I tried to stay away from you once, but I couldn't…even then I couldn't," she said, just as quietly as he had spoken before.

He continued to hold her hand, sneaking another glance at her. Even in her sadness her face was so beautiful to him. Her long hair snaking through the grassy earth, spilling over her shoulders enticed him. His fingers itched to reach out and touch it.

A memory occurred to him and he couldn't help the short laugh that escaped him. Bella smiled at the sound, turning her body towards his until she lay on her side facing him, never letting go of his hand. "What's so funny?"

"Your hair," he said, laughing again. "So long ago, every time you flipped your hair and caused your scent to increase, I wanted to kill you."

Bella pursed her lips, "I don't see how that is very funny."

Jasper sighed ignoring his urge at self denial, and turned to face her; finally looking into her eyes as he had wanted to since she arrived. He didn't know why he had waited so long.

Looking at the intensity in her eyes, the compulsion to admit his every thought to her returned. "It is, in a way. I angered everyone with my urges, and though a part of me never really wanted to hurt you," he said, "It pains me to think of you not being here now if I had."

Bella's lips pulled up into a slight smile, and before she knew it she had raised Jasper's hand to her lips, kissing the back of his knuckle lightly. Both felt the shock of electricity at the contact.

As much as he wanted to pull her in and kiss her with as much intensity as he had before, he knew that the moment wasn't appropriate. To be with her there, alone, was wrong enough. He settled for pulling her closer, wrapping his arm around her and resting his chin on her head.

She sighed loudly at the feeling of his body close to her once more. She thought of Edward at home wondering where she was and what was going on. A sharp pang of shame filled her chest and she felt Jasper's arm tighten around her.

Instinctively, he attempted to calm her, using his ability to change her feeling. He didn't want her to feel pain of any kind, least of all shame.

Bella sighed, "Jasper, please don't. I need to feel it."

He relented, letting her own mood wash over her once more, hoping that holding her close would have a similar effect to what he could do so easily with his power. He couldn't stop his own pain and confusion with his ability, and keeping her beside him seemed to be the only method he had of calming his own feelings. Selfishly he did not want to let it go.

As much as she loved the feel of his arm around her, the warmth his hold created in her cold body wasn't right; she knew that without having to voice the words. At the same time, she wanted to feel it no matter how much her mind warred against the idea.

Jasper sensed her confusion even before she said, "God, what is this Jasper?"

"I don't know," he answered honestly and without pause. "But I want to."

"I do too."

They lay in silence again, staring up at the now dark sky, relaxing into one another's embrace. Bella watched as a shooting star trailed across the sky and a flicker of her childhood passed through her mind. Making a wish seemed futile, but the old human Bella inside of her wanted to anyway.

She sighed, burying her face in Jasper's chest, taking in his scent. She bit her lip, pushing back the thought that occurred to her. If they never moved, she could be happy. She could forget the uncertainty, the pain, and she would never have to face the world. She knew it was irrational and that perhaps part of her was the seventeen year old girl that Edward still saw in her, but at that moment it didn't matter.

She let Jasper's scent fill her and let her body tingle under his fingertips and she could forget everything else. She didn't know what was happening between her and Jasper, but despite the current situation she felt calm with him, untroubled. She didn't know what she would feel at home, or what would happen.

"Can we just stay here forever?" she asked, knowing it wasn't possible, but still hoping somehow that it was.

Jasper sighed, grazing his lips over the top of her head, feeling—like her—the impossibility of the situation. "Not forever, but for now."

That seemed to appease her momentarily, but despite enjoying the feel of her body so close to Jasper's, she couldn't help but think of Edward and let the desperation sink back in. She shook her head, looking up at him. "This is such a mess."

He looked down at her, meeting her eyes, wondering how he had passed by her so long without noticing their depth.

"It is," he responded solemnly.

Their eyes remained locked to one another, and Jasper told himself to look away. He didn't, instead his head lowered slowly, uncertainly. Bella leaned up to him, watching his slightly parted lips descend towards her; she felt the magnetic pull between them. She closed her eyes, and as their lips touched a spark flew through her. They knew eventually they would have to deal with what was happening between them, but for a moment, they were able to ignore the reality, and sink into one another.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven:

The sun began to rise and with it came the realization that they had been in the clearing all night. Losing track of time wasn't something that happened to Bella often, especially with her more recent musings on the reality of living forever. In fact, more often it seemed as though time was interminably long, each minute longer than the last.

"I can't believe its morning," Bella said, sitting up and reluctantly freeing herself from Jasper's embrace. She instantly missed the feel of his body and the niche she had carved in his side over the course of the night.

Jasper sat as well, brushing her hair off her shoulder and placing a gentle kiss there. "We should probably be getting home then. I'm quite sure they have been wondering where we are."

Bella nodded, for the first time in hours considering how Edward would react to her absence. "It'll be easy to tell them the truth. We sat and talked all night in the forest."

Even though they hadn't done much more than talk, she knew it wasn't as simple as that. It was gentle words, light kisses, and the aching hunger to do something more than lay there in each other's arms.

They hadn't spoken anymore about what their attraction was and in a way Bella didn't want to know, not yet. As much of a mess as it all was, she liked the feeling of having a crush, the anticipation and butterflies. She enjoyed spending the night with him in the forest, staring up at the stars and just existing in one another's presence.

Talking about it might change that and she selfishly wanted to preserve it, at least for the time being.

Jasper was the first to move, getting up and moving to the edge of the clearing, a small smile playing on his lips. "Want to race?"

She couldn't help but smile back, feeling his playful mood as if it were her own. "You want to get away from me that badly?"

Jasper was instantly at her side once more, fingers coming up to graze the side of her face. Bringing his mouth to her jawbone, he ran his lips over her skin slowly and with deliberate gentleness. "No, that is what I desire least of all."

She felt him move further up her jaw, reaching her ear and gently nibbling on the lobe, causing her to let out a soft moan. Putting his hands on either side of her face, he brought her lips towards his, kissing her gently at first, then parting her lips with his tongue and tilting her head to the side to deepen the kiss. He pulled away, leaving her feeling hypnotized and wanting more.

A mischievous smile on his face, he turned and darted into the forest.

Bella shook herself from her daze, narrowing her eyes in his direction, though she couldn't help but smile. She took off in the direction of home, yelling after him, "Cheater!"

Jasper beat Bella home, but she was proud of the fact that though he had a head start, in the end she was just at his heels. Usually she beat Edward, but she had long since suspected that he always let her win.

They came through the door of the house, windswept and laughing. Edward sat at his piano, his fingers on the keys, though he had already stopped playing, most likely upon hearing their loud arrival.

He regarded their happy faces closely, surprised to find such merriment in the house left somber by Alice's departure.

"Hey," Bella said quietly, suddenly feeling nervous, the smile falling from her face.

"Nice to finally see you," he replied, his face emotionless, though Bella could see a slight amount of anger in his eyes.

"We were out in the woods talking," she said, trying to push confidence into her tone and leave her face blank.

Edward nodded, his posture relaxing a little. "I was just a little worried about you. Bring your phone next time at least, okay?"

"Of course," she responded, feeling a little more relieved. "I'm going to go upstairs and change."

As Bella went up the stairs, Edward regarded Jasper closely, searching his mind for the reasons behind Alice's departure. Rather than find him worrying or relaying events in his mind as one normally would, Edward was puzzled to instead find him reciting a civil war poem, one of his many ways of blocking Edward from reading him.

Jasper felt his frustration and looked back at him, his lips coming together in a tight line. "I'd like to keep my private thoughts private."

"We just want to figure out what happened with Alice," he said, furrowing his eyebrows. "Why is it a big mystery?"

"That's our business," he replied, his voice low and almost monotonous. He didn't stay to allow Edward to reply, going up the stairs and into his room, shutting the door behind him.

Edward listened to his thoughts a bit longer, hoping he would let his guard down and let Edward in, but he just moved on to the recitation of the Gettysburg Address and he gave up, choosing to go upstairs to Bella instead.

As he opened the door, Bella finished pulling her shirt over her head and smiled at him. He had caught just a flash of skin and it reminded him of their early relationship, when she would have blushed at revealing even that much.

"Hi," he said quietly, smiling at her in the way he had come to learn made her melt.

"Hi," she said, not being able to help the smile that spread across her face, but with it came a bit of guilt. She hoped she hid it well.

He came over to give her a kiss, holding her body to him closely. She pulled away much too soon, revealing her sheepish expression. "I'm sorry I made you worry."

"It's all right," he said, kissing her gently on the forehead. "I just wonder what you guys could have been talking about so long. Did he talk to you about Alice?"

"We actually didn't talk about that," she answered and it was the truth. She had been afraid to bring up Alice or Edward and break the spell of the night.

"I find that hard to believe," Edward said, furrowing his eyebrows. "You'd think that would be the most important topic at the moment."

Bella shrugged, trying to keep any knowledge from her face. "Maybe he just didn't want to talk about it right now."

Edward regarded her carefully, not entirely believing her, but not wanting to push her away, "Yeah, maybe."

He let the topic drop and held her closely, trying to enjoy the physical contact that he had been deprived of with the recent distance she had put between them.

/&/

Rosalie had cautioned him about being nosy, reminding him that leaving had been Alice's decision and that one day they would find out what had happened. Of course she knew Edward better than to expect him to accept her warning, and he had continued to probe into the situation, trying to listen to everyone's thoughts and even calling Carlisle to find out what Alice had told them.

With all of his effort to figure out the situation, he had left with no more information than he started with.

He found himself once again at the piano, fingers sitting atop keys without playing. Rosalie and Emmett sat on the couch, watching a movie with the volume turned down low, and Bella had once again holed herself up in her library.

Jasper came down the stairs, his mind still maddeningly blocked by a word by word narration of a novel that Edward couldn't recognize.

He groaned, "Is that really necessary? It is getting quite annoying."

Jasper looked at him pointedly, "You can always try not listening in."

"It's not that easy," Edward replied, his jaw clenched.

"Well I'm making it easier on you; I'm going out for a little while," he said it as normally as possible, but as Edward studied him he thought he saw a flicker of sadness in his face. He decided to let his frustration with Jasper and the situation go for the time being.

"Where are you going?" Emmett asked lazily from his place on the couch. "Hunting?"

Jasper nodded in affirmation and Emmett was immediately excited, jumping up from the couch, "Yes! I'm coming with you."

"No," Jasper answered, his voice suddenly rough. "I'm going alone."

He turned to walk out the door and Bella came bounding down the stairs. "Actually you're not, I'm coming," she said, a wide smile on her face.

Jasper looked back at her, his expression neutral. He didn't reply, just nodded and walked out the door with her in tow. Bella thought she saw a hint of a smile that nobody else would have noticed.

"Hey, that's not fair!" Emmett said, but nobody responded.

Bella waved a quick goodbye to Edward, flashing her phone at him to remind him of their agreement. He smiled in return, confused at her sudden decision to accompany Jasper, but not wanting to question her for fear of causing her frustration and losing the little bit of progress he felt he had made with their relationship earlier.

Emmett began to rise to follow them though he hadn't been invited, but Rosalie pulled him back down.

"But…" Emmett protested, pouting at his wife.

"Just let them go," she said, ignoring his attempts at a puppy dog face.

He sat back down in defeat, mumbling to himself. Rosalie paid no attention to him, turning to look at Edward and raising an eyebrow. She thought pointedly to him about how unusual the exchange had been.

"It isn't really that unusual," he said, shrugging. "They have been confiding in each other."

"Uh huh," she said smirking, her mind instantly going toward a dirtier spin on the word confiding.

Edward gritted his teeth and stood from the piano, "That's ridiculous Rosalie, and don't you dare even think about it again."

She laughed at him as he left the room, calling after him, "You're so easy to mess with!"

/&/

Bella watched as Jasper tackled a huge deer, bringing it to the ground in one swift movement. She could have been off catching her own deer, but she found that there was something surprisingly exciting about watching him hunt. It was different than Edward, more calculated and less playful.

"You just going to stand there and watch me all day?" he asked, raising his head from the animal's neck and wiping away a drop of blood that had trailed down his chin.

"I thought about it," she said, grinning at him stupidly. How she had been able to spend most of the day away from him was beyond her. Sitting in her library reading had almost been torture. She felt spoiled by their night in the woods together.

"Well you're distracting me," he replied, not being able to hide the slight smile that played on his lips.

She laughed, "Yes I really seem to have hindered your ability to catch that deer. I'm sorry my mistake. Besides, you wanted me to come."

"Oh? I don't remember inviting you."

She rolled her eyes. "When you walked past my room and whispered, 'I'm going hunting,' I am pretty sure you intended for me to follow."

He couldn't help but grin, "Maybe I just wanted you to know where I'd be."

"Sure."

They stared at each other for a moment and Bella felt the familiar fluttering in her stomach. Suddenly feeling nervous, she looked away. "So, you didn't just want to get me alone?"

He was at her side in an instant, fingers barely grazing the tips of hers, she wanted to grab his hand and hold it, but she didn't, she waited to see what he was going to do.

"Now why would I want to do that?" he said quietly, his voice low and husky, sounding more sexy than Bella ever heard it before.

"Umm…"she fumbled for an answer, trying in vain to continue with her playful banter. She felt human again, and she was conscious of the fact that Jasper could feel all of her emotions, the nervousness and the lust.

He leaned in as if to kiss her and she moved forward to meet him, closing her eyes. After a moment of no contact, she opened them to see his eyes open, smiling at her. She pulled back, frowning.

"You are the worst tease, but you know two can play that game."

His smile widened and a hint of amusement flickered in his eyes. "I'd like to see that."

Bella moved toward him slowly, running her hand over his shoulder and standing just close enough that their bodies barely touched. Looking deeply into his eyes she bit her lip and slid her other hand up his chest.

Leaning in, she brushed her lips against the side of his neck, lightly touching the skin with her tongue. She felt him shiver beneath her lips and move his hands up to rest on her waist and pull her closer. "Uh uh," she said and pushed his hands down before putting hers back where she had placed them.

He sighed, but allowed her to continue, feeling the warmth flood the lower half of his body.

Moving up from his neck, she traced his ear with her tongue, breathing a little heavier for effect. "Do you like that?" she whispered, sliding her hand down from his chest, lower until it reached the top of his pants. She played with the hem, sliding her fingers underneath it.

"Hmm," he answered in affirmation, holding his breath and waiting for her to move lower to feel his erection.

"Do you want me?" she asked, her voice still a silky whisper. She pressed her lips against below his ear and reached down to stroke him through his pants.

"Yes," he said, his response almost a moan.

"Good," she said and pulled away grinning triumphantly. She wouldn't deny the fact that doing it had turned her on as much as it did him and that she didn't want to stop, but she had wanted to make a point.

Jasper let out the breath he was holding and looked at her dazed. "That was evil."

"I know," she replied smugly, "Now you know how it feels."

"That was hardly the same, my dear," he said, trying to look stern but not being able to help smiling at the innocent look on her face.

It was strange how she felt almost like a different person—a bolder person—when she was with him. Embracing the feeling of otherness, she was suddenly seized by an idea. "Want to do something I have wanted to do for a long time?"

He laughed at her change in topic, feeling as though he'd always be willing to do anything she wanted. The thought was slightly frightening. "Sure."

"You don't even know what it is," she said, narrowing her eyes at him suspiciously.

"It doesn't matter."

"Right, well we need a car," she said, smiling happily. She leaned in quickly and kissed him, her lips barely brushing his, and then ran in the direction of the house.

He smiled as he watched her go, feeling an unfamiliar swelling deep inside of him. The feeling of her happiness and excitement still lingered in the air around him and he reveled in it, not being able to stop himself from enjoying the purity of the feelings she had when she was around him.

He wanted to run after her and tackle her, kissing her more deeply than she had kissed him, but he didn't. Instead, he waited a moment to follow, preparing himself to once again block his thoughts from Edward's eager mind. He knew that more moments with Bella like this would make it increasingly difficult to do. It had already been nearly painful to stop himself from thinking of her earlier.

By the time he broke the line of trees in front of the house, Bella was waiting in front of the large garage, keys in hand. "Took you long enough," she called.

He was about to respond when he became aware of Edward watching them from the porch. He nodded in his direction, beginning another of his favorite poems in his mind.

"Where are you going?" Edward questioned, looking at Bella but tuning in to Jasper's mind.

"Just out for a bit," she responded cryptically, swallowing back more of a lie. "I won't be late."

"Can I come?" he asked though he already knew what the answer would be.

"Umm…no, not this time," she answered, and Jasper felt the guilt emanating from her. She knew Edward needed more of an explanation so she lied, "This is just to cheer up Jasper."

He looked at her, locking eyes with her, and she could see the hurt there but she decided to ignore it. She broke contact first, looking down at the keys in her hand.

"Okay," he said simply, letting out a long breath and turning back to go into the house without another word, trying to fight the anger he felt building.

She turned to Jasper, her earlier confidence gone, and no trace of the excited smile he had seen in the forest. "Ready?"

Without responding, he walked towards the car, pushing a feeling of calm in her direction, hoping that the interference wouldn't upset her. She didn't say anything, though she undoubtedly felt it. She simply opened the door, sank into the driver's seat and turned the keys in the ignition.

After a few minutes of driving down the highway, she tried to rally her earlier happiness. "So, do you have any idea where I am taking you?"

"Not at all," he said, reaching out tentatively to touch her hand. She felt his fingers on her skin and didn't stop him, so he took her hand in his and entwined their fingers.

A genuine smiled graced her lips and he felt relieved. He gripped her hand a little tighter.

Comfortable silence fell upon the car and Jasper didn't care to interrupt it, he was immersed in watching her as she watched the road, still concerned with driving as if she didn't have heightened senses.

She could see him looking at her and she bit her lip. "What?"

He laughed at her sudden insecurity, "Nothing…though maybe you should have let me drive. You still drive too slowly."

"I'm going seventy! The speed limit is fifty-five, thank you. Besides, you don't know where we're going. You're so impatient."

"That's true," he conceded, "I don't know where we're going, but I think you'll come to find out I am far from impatient."

She didn't answer, concentrating harder on the passing trees and the whirls of color caused by the movement of the car, visible only to her vampire eyes. She saw the blue-grey of the Pacific Ocean through a break in the trees and she pulled into the nearest lot with a sign labeled overlook.

Jasper raised an eyebrow in question.

"Just trust me," she said, looking out at the ocean and then back at him, feeling her excitement begin to return.

"I do," he replied, flashing a smile at her and opening the car door to step out into the cool air.

A breeze picked up, shaking the trees and sending the scent of salted air dancing around them. The sound of the waves crashing against the rocks roared in their ears, drowning out even the shrill sound of seagulls overhead.

"It isn't La Push, but I think it'll be even better," she said, walking to the edge and grinning.

A memory sprung into the forefront of Jasper's mind. "Wait, you want to cliff jump?"

Bella shrugged, "Why not? The last time I did it turned out to be a monumental accident but also a blessing in disguise. Now, I am not in danger of hurting myself so I think it'd be fun."

He shrugged in return, leaning down to remove his shoes. "You're right, why not?"

He looked down the coast a bit, spying a hidden alcove of beach below one of the nearby cliffs. "We can come up over there."

Bella was thrilled at his response to her suggestion, half expecting him to tell her that it wasn't safe or that he preferred she not delve into the realm of extreme sports, but she reminded herself that Jasper never treated her as if she was still human.

She leaned down to remove her shoes as well, putting them in the car along with Jasper's. Removing her coat, she placed it with her shoes on the passenger seat.

They both moved to the edge, and Bella felt suddenly fearful even though she knew there was nothing to worry about. Still, she reached out to grab Jasper's hand, holding tightly.

"Want me to give you an extra boost of confidence?" he asked her, a small smile on his face.

"Sure," she said, but before he could conjure up the emotion, she pulled him to her and kissed him deeply, wrapping her arms around him and holding his body close against her. He kissed her back eagerly, stroking the hair that fell down her back.

Pulling away she stepped to the edge, and counted, "One, two…"

Jasper heard the distant sound of the word "Three," as she leapt into the wide expanse before them. He watched her fall gracefully downward before leaping behind her, feeling the exhilaration along with the cold air whipping around him.

Bella put her arms out. She loved the feeling of the drop, the hazy memory of her first free fall coming back to her. This drop was farther, more freeing, almost like flying.

Her body slamming into the ocean was loud and slightly jarring but not at all painful, though she hadn't expected it to be, she was like a boulder falling from the cliff and the sound of her granite body impacting the water was thankfully masked by the crash of ocean's waves. She sunk into the deep water, pushed by the current toward the cliff's face.

She heard the sound of Jasper's impact soon after hers and she swam in his direction.

When she reached him she pulled him to her again as she had before the jump and locked eyes with him. He saw the same exhilaration he felt reflected in her face and sensed it along with other emotions coming from her body. Their bodies moved with the waves in an undulating motion, but they still clung to each other without interruption.

"Thank you," she said, though she wasn't sure for what. She didn't have time to think though, as he pulled her to him and kissed her intensely, gripping her body like a life raft. She felt something move within her that was unrelated to the water surrounding them.

Their tongues danced together and Bella began to feel the warmth inside of her building, though they were surrounded by the freezing cold Pacific waters. When they finally pulled away, Bella looked at him wide eyed and breathing deeply.

"Jasper…" his name came out in a gasp.

She wrapped her legs around his waist, putting her lips back on his with almost frenzied determination. He welcomed the action, pushing his hips up into her and holding her body tightly against his. His hands went up to grip her soaking wet hair, tugging slightly downward and causing a wave of pleasure to flow through Bella's core.

He continued to kiss her passionately for a few minutes, but eventually he pulled away with reluctance, feeling as though the moment was building up to something. "Bella, let's swim over to the beach."

She grinded herself against him in response, and felt his hardness against her wet jeans. Releasing her body from his, she swam in the direction of the shore, cutting through the building current that echoed the warring thoughts in her mind trying to decide what to do with the present situation.

She knew that what was happening between them at this moment was on the verge of something more than kissing one another, and what was more, she wanted it. She also knew—and the war began with this thought—that what happened before could almost be forgiven but that if they took this step there would be no coming back from it.

In the end, as she felt the shore beneath her feet she decided to ignore the rational part of herself that screamed for her to stop, and to listen to the louder part that begged for her to keep going and to feel all of Jasper right now.

She couldn't even make it all the way out of the water before he sent her crashing to the ground, landing on top of her and pushing himself against her. She moaned and bit her lip, wrapping her legs around him and pushing herself up to greet him.

They kissed each other again, more ardently than before, and Bella rocked against him, feeling the pressure inside of her building.

Reaching for the bottom of his wet shirt, she tugged at the hem, attempting to pull it up. "Bella…" Jasper began breathlessly.

"Jasper, I want to."

He needed no other permission, sitting up slightly to allow her to remove his shirt. She ran her fingers over the smooth skin of his chest and playfully pinched one of his taut nipples.

He wanted to pull off her shirt, and her pants, and her underwear, but he didn't want to move too quickly. He also wanted to leave time for her to stop, though he didn't want to and he didn't feel that she wanted to either. Instead he leaned down and kissed her neck, running his tongue along her skin like she had done to him in the forest. Trying to calm himself from acting too aggressively, he focused on the taste of the salt water and the sounds of her breath.

Rocking his hips against her, he found a pleasurable rhythm, and Bella's breathing picked up, a small moan escaping her lips in response.

Bella didn't want to break the rhythm, but she wanted to feel his skin on hers unrestrained by the clothing that still lay between them. She sat up, reaching for the bottom of her own shirt, and Jasper caught her movement. In one swift motion he pulled the shirt over her head, flinging it further up the beach. She giggled at the action, exhilarated by his eager lust.

Undoing her bra and throwing it in the general vicinity of her shirt, she looked up to see Jasper's burning gaze upon her now bare chest. He leaned down and quickly took her left nipple into his mouth, causing Bella to gasp. Reaching up, he cupped her other breast, running his thumb over the nipple.

Bella moaned and arched her back, wanting to feel more of him, all of him. Suddenly her jeans felt very heavy and needless.

"Jasper…pants…off," she said, unable to complete a sentence to voice her request.

Hearing her almost incoherent plea, Jasper threw his notion of taking things slow out the window. He moved his hands from her breasts to the button of her jeans, trying to remove them without ripping them, as much as he wanted to at that moment. Her hands went to his belt, fumbling with the buckle. Bella almost laughed when she thought idly that they were like two teenagers, gasping and prying at one another.

Once his belt was undone she had no problem unbuttoning his pants and pushing the zipper down. She shifted underneath him, trying to push her own jeans down now that they were undone.

A wave crashed and the water rolled up the shore, soaking their already wet bodies anew. Bella gasped as the water covered her bare back.

Jasper noticed the water and her response and he stood up, lifting her body with his, carrying her farther up the beach and putting her back down on the dry sand. He took the opportunity to push his pants down, stepping out of them and pushing them away. Bella pushed her own pants down, leaving only her underwear.

He dropped to his knees, pushing open her legs and leaning into her, dropping a quick kiss on her lips before moving back to her neck. She could feel him pressing against her opening through the thin fabric of their underwear, and the feeling of him being so close along with what he was doing to her neck caused her to moan. He pushed into her hard at the sound, and Bella ached for him to be inside of her.

Though she thought of the fact that she had only ever been with one person before, she didn't dwell on a fear of intimacy with Jasper. She was still bold Bella, the girl boosted by Jasper's presence and his confidence in her.

He moved down her body, laying light kisses between her breasts until he reached her stomach and the hem of her underwear. He kissed along the line of it, stopping to run his tongue lightly over her hipbones. She bucked her hips up to him in response and he grinned. He enjoyed finding out what she liked and what she disliked, her body completely undiscovered territory.

Putting his fingers under the line of her underwear, he pulled them down slightly, kissing the exposed skin. He looked up to see if what he was doing was okay, but her eyes were clenched shut as she writhed beneath him. He smiled and continued to remove them, letting his fingers caress her inner thighs on the way down.

Jasper regarded her body for a moment before lowering his mouth to her, flicking his tongue lightly against her clit. She moaned in response, so he did it again but slower, taking his time to taste her. He moved a little lower to push his tongue between her folds, watching as she arched her back at the feeling. With one hand he reached up and pushed her hips back down to the sand.

He continued to run his tongue against her and gauge her response to different speeds and pressure, fully aware of his own aching hard on pressing against his boxers. With the hand that was not anchoring her body to the earth he pulled his boxers down and kicked them aside. He could feel her passion building, the lust at a dizzying high. It didn't help that his own emotion was running so strongly, but the feeling of the two combined was almost unbearable.

"Jasper," Bella breathed, putting her hands on the back of his head and pulling him upward. She loved what he was doing to her, but she didn't want to wait any longer, he had built the pressure up inside of her and she felt as though she would burst.

She didn't have to say exactly what she wanted; he knew and wanted the same thing. With one last flick of his tongue against her clit he moved up between her legs, positioning himself so that he was just pressed against her opening. He didn't sense any reluctance or fear coming from her and he knew he didn't have to ask permission, she was writhing and ready.

He began to push in slowly, but when he heard her pleasurable gasp he pushed in harder until all of him was inside of her. Letting out his own moan, he pulled out and pushed back in, and then again, setting the pace slow at first.

Bella dug her nails into his back and pushed her hips up into him, echoing his rhythm. Every time he pulled out to thrust she wanted him to push back inside of her, to feel his entire length pulsating within her. It felt so different than she was used to, not awkward, but new.

"Faster," she said, her voice sounding unreal to her ears, throaty and completely unlike herself.

Jasper picked up the pace, pushing all the way into her, harder and without abandon. He could feel her walls clench around him and he almost lost himself, but he held back not wanting it to end so quickly.

She tangled her hands in his hair and he leaned in to bury his face in her shoulder, his teeth grazing the skin and his breath making her skin tingle.

Suddenly she felt her climax getting close, and she gasped, pulling his hair to the point where it would be painful if that were possible. He snaked his arms behind her back and hooked his hands over her shoulders, using her body as leverage to get deeper and to thrust harder. She wrapped her legs around his body in response, pulling him into her.

Clenching her eyes shut, Bella felt her orgasm come over her in waves, her body shaking and her hands grasping at Jasper. "Oh my god Jasper."

At the sound of his name from her lips and the feel of the frenzied pitch her emotions had reached, he couldn't hold on anymore and he came as well, pushing until he could no longer feel her clenching around him.

He collapsed on top of her, his face in her hair, the natural scent of her combined with the salt of the ocean overwhelming him.

After a moment he rolled off of her, but took her with him, resting her on top of his chest and holding her to him tightly. He kissed the top of her head gently and Bella smiled against his chest, wrapping her arms around him. Her body felt strangely limp; she didn't remember it ever feeling that way before, like all her energy had been taken out of her.

"I...wow…" she said, not knowing what else to say. He didn't respond, just held her closer to him. She loved the feeling of his skin against hers, even with the sand that covered various unknown parts of their bodies.

Jasper leaned down to whisper in her ear, "You're absolutely beautiful."

Bella felt slightly embarrassed, but for once she didn't care that Jasper knew it. "Thank you," she said sheepishly.

"That's the second time I've heard you say that today," he mused.

She remembered the first, but she still wasn't sure why she had said it.

They lay in comfortable silence for a few minutes, both enjoying the cool air and the sound of the crashing waves, as well as one another's company.

Bella thought of talking about what had just happened but she thought the better of it. She didn't want to ruin the moment that she had enjoyed so thoroughly. "So," she said instead, "Want to go for a swim before we go home?"

"Sure," he said, grinning and sitting up with her, before running into the ocean naked.

/&/

On the way home she let Jasper drive, holding his hand and talking to him animatedly, unconcerned with the dampness of her clothes or the fact that once they were home they would no longer be able to be alone.

He stopped a few miles from the house and pulled over, leaning across the center console and putting his hand on her cheek. "One more?" he asked his eyes on her lips.

She leaned towards him and kissed him softly, parting her lips when she felt his tongue against them. They kissed for a few minutes, neither wanting to pull away, but eventually they did.

"Hmm," he said as he settled back into the driver's seat. "It's going to take a lot to not think about you. I might need a minute to collect myself."

Bella flinched at the thought of Edward and she felt guilty that she hadn't thought about him sooner. She had been so wrapped up in everything else going on. Then she thought of Jasper and she was concerned. "I can imagine it is pretty difficult to control every thought."

"It is, and it gets tiring. It is hard for me to look at you while I'm home because it makes it even harder to stop my mind from wandering. I can see it being a lot more trying considering today's events."

"I'm sorry," Bella said, frowning.

Jasper shook his head quickly, "Don't be, don't ever be sorry for _that_."

He turned the car back on and drove down the road, taking the turn toward their house and slowing the car down. Squeezing her fingers he let go of her hand and navigated the car into the garage.

When they got out of the car they could see Edward sitting on the porch swing, watching them. He stood up when he noticed their disheveled clothing and raised a quizzical eyebrow. Jasper could feel his anger and suspicion immediately.

"What in the hell happened?" he said, moving quickly to Bella's side and touching her damp, sandy hair.

She swallowed hard before answering, "We went for a swim."

"In the ocean?" he asked incredulously.

"Yes," she said and before he could ask any more questions she continued, "Now can I go inside and shower and change?"

"Of course," he said, and moved out of her way. He didn't like her short responses, and he was determined before the night was out to hear the whole story, feeling as if she was being deliberately vague. Years of experience told him to not push her and to bide his time before questioning her.

She smiled and walked into the house, Jasper at her heels. Edward didn't stop him or say anything to him. As he walked up the stairs, Edward probed into his mind trying to find the answers about their outing that he desired.

He knew Jasper was trying to block his thoughts because all he saw were vivid images: flowers, seagulls, water, and rocks. The loop of images continued, but Edward furrowed his eyebrows in confusion as he realized that he wasn't keeping him out as effectively as before and that every thought was punctuated with her name, _Bella, Bella, Bella, _as if it were the period at the end of every sentence.

Something wasn't right.

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**A/N: I've got three more chapters completed and ready for posting whenever if people are interested in the story. Let me know what you think.**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight:

One day slipped by and then another, and as Bella watched the minutes tick away, she got a taste of what it was like to not see Jasper. She didn't like it.

It wasn't just a lack of time spent with him; it was not even seeing his face for one moment as they passed each other in the hall. In fact, there had only been one moment she had seen him as he passed through the living room and out the door, but then he had only looked her in the eye for a moment. The despair she felt had been reflected there.

Other than that fleeting moment, for two days it was as if they didn't exist to one another. Bella could feel a tightness in her chest just thinking about it and as much as she tried to push it away it lingered.

He was in and out of the house so often that Bella knew without explanation the reason for his distance. It wasn't safe for him to be around her with his mind so easily accessed by Edward, especially with Edward's sudden desire to cling to her almost every moment. That kind of proximity was dangerous.

In the moments preceding the cliff jumping and especially those afterward, she had given no thought to how things would be when they were home and not able to be alone with each other. In fact, as things were progressing she hadn't really _thought_ at all. Now she wished she had because perhaps then she would have had a more effective method of coping than counting the minutes until she'd see him.

Worst of all, as she noticed Edward watching her more and more, she knew she wasn't hiding her depression effectively any longer.

"Is there something I should know?" he asked, sitting down beside her and wrapping his arm around her shoulder. He looked concerned, but she could see something else hidden behind his eyes.

"No of course not," she said, shaking her head and trying to muster a smile. She felt guilty lying, even more so when he looked at her with such love, and yet when she was with Jasper she forgot about all of that and saw only him.

With some dread she realized that even without Jasper around he was the centre of her consciousness and that she hardly gave a thought to Edward. It was unlike her to forget about things and not worry about consequences. Swallowing a nervous lump in her throat she leaned into the hug he was giving her.

He kissed her gently on the forehead and then moved to her lips, starting slowly, but deepening the kiss after a moment. As he was guiding her body backwards against the couch, she closed her eyes and tried to enjoy the kiss; to lose herself in her husband like she did when they first were married, and before that when she was human and every moment with him took her breath away.

Instead she saw Jasper's face behind her eyes and with Edward's lips on hers, his hands moving up her body, she felt like she was betraying them both.

She pushed him away gently, sitting up and giving him a shy smile. A momentary look of disappointment and confusion crossed his face and was gone.

"Do you want to go downstairs and watch a movie with Emmett and Rosalie?" he asked, taking one of her hands in his.

She shook her head and gripped his hand, feeling bad for pushing him away. "No, I am getting close to the end of my book so I'm going to finish that."

He looked into her eyes and she could see the hurt there so she quickly added, "But, if I get done soon I will come down and watch with you."

The look on his face changed a little, but he still did not look like himself. "Okay, please try."

As he shut the door, Bella picked up her book and stared at the print but didn't see the words. She knew she had to decide what to do, to really think about what was going on and where it was leading like Alice had told them they needed to do, but she was afraid, so she made the decision to continue to ignore the nagging feeling she had in the back of her mind.

Her thoughts continued in the same vein for a few minutes when she became aware of the sound of Jasper's door opening and closing across the hall from her. She listened as his footsteps echoed in the hall, down the stairs. She continued to listen as the others spoke to him and as the front door closed and one of the cars started and pulled out of the drive. Her heart fell when she could no longer hear the sound of the engine.

Sinking into her chair as if the action would comfort her, she realized that he hadn't made the effort to let her know where he was going or even to contact her at all. Her mind began to swim, wondering if her assumptions on his distance were wrong. Perhaps he was putting distance between them now because he regretted what happened or because he no longer wanted to be around her.

She felt the tearless sting behind her eyes and she set her book down, pinching the bridge of her nose, an action she had seen Edward do countless times.

Before she had more time to return to her train of thought she heard the vibrating noise of her small cell phone. Reaching quickly to the table where it was set, she opened it to find a text message. Releasing a breath she didn't know she was holding she read: _Leave some time between our departures_. _Meet me in town in 20 minutes. I can't wait anymore, I miss you._

She jumped up from her seat like she would be leaving that moment, and then sat back down when she remembered she had to wait. She had never been effective at sneaking around or keeping secrets. She shuddered at the words 'sneaking around,' they felt like ash in her mouth. Quickly, she reminded herself of her resolve to not worry about defining anything.

After waiting another ten minutes that seemed longer than the entirety of the two days, Bella got up and went to her bedroom to change. Throwing on a new outfit, and grabbing her purse she made her way to the stairs.

When she came into the living room, Edward looked up with hopeful eyes, but when he saw her purse and coat his face fell. "Where are you going?"

"Oh," she began, she hadn't thought of that, "To town."

"I'll come," he said immediately, standing up.

"No, no. I'm just going to buy a few books. Besides, I had a present for you in mind so you can't come," she replied speedily, lighting up her face with a bright grin.

Edward looked at her and she wasn't able to fully read his expression. With his eyes locked to hers so intensely, Bella felt incredibly small and for a moment she thought he knew everything, that maybe he really could read her mind.

"I'll only be gone for a little while, I promise," she said, trying to maintain her outwardly bright appearance.

"Come back early," he responded, coming over and hugging her, kissing her gently on the forehead.

Bella hugged him back and smiled, trying to recall the feeling of excitement she had before she came downstairs, but she could feel the lie begin to weigh on her heart.

/&/

Shopping had taken longer than she intended, and when she finally texted Jasper back to ask about their meeting point, he had already begun to worry.

When he saw her parking in the lot and opening the door, he got out and rushed towards her. As he neared, he could feel such a mix of emotions coming from her that he wasn't really sure what could be going through her mind. He felt a slight tinge of guilt, but the excitement overpowered it so much that he decided to cling to that instead.

Sweeping her up in his arms, he held her tightly as she giggled. Placing her back on her feet he pressed his lips to hers with strength, savoring the sweet scent that he had missed so much.

Bella kissed him back just as eagerly, forgetting her earlier worries. When he finally released her they were both alight with happiness. "I missed that," he stated.

"I know, two days was much too long," she replied, leaning up to kiss him again.

"Forty-nine hours and forty-six minutes, but who's counting?"

If possible, her smile widened. "Jasper Hale, have you been counting the seconds too?"

"Never," he said, and pulled her in for another kiss. Kissing her felt different to him than kissing Alice and he felt a compulsion to keep doing it and not stop.

Leading her towards his car, he opened the door for her and then got into the driver's seat with speed. "So what took you so long?"

"I had to go shopping for some books first, it was my reason for leaving the house," she replied, glaring at him playfully. "It wasn't that long."

He sighed, picking up one of her hands and holding it tightly between his own. "After those two days it was long enough."

They sat in silence for a minute, neither one knowing what to say.

Jasper broke the silence, "So what do you want to do?"

Bella thought for a moment. "I don't know, what do we have time for?"

He shrugged, the smile sliding from his face and a look replacing it that made Bella's body feel warm.

Reaching over to her seat he grabbed a hold of her, pulling her body on top of his swiftly so that she was straddling him. He leaned down and pulled the seat lever, reclining the seat a bit.

"This is a good start," she said, putting her hands on either side of his seat and leaning in to kiss him, her hair falling in a curtain over them.

His hands slid up and down her back, finally resting them on her hips and she began to grind against him lightly. "Mmm," he moaned into her mouth biting her lip.

They made out for awhile, neither pushing it to the next level and as much as she was enjoying it she decided it was best to slow down.

"So," she said, pulling away and sitting back, resting her hands on his chest, "Tell me a secret, something nobody knows."

He put his arms around her back, pulling her body back close to his. Resting his head on her shoulder, he stroked the long tendrils of her hair.

Burying his face in the hair closest to her neck he took a deep breath. "I love your hair."

Bella pulled back and smacked his chest playfully, biting her lip to hide her smile. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing that she liked it. "Be serious!"

He smiled, running a hand through her hair and then stroking her cheek, "I am being serious."

"Fine," she smirked, "But that doesn't count as a secret. I'll give you an example to make it easier for you."

She thought for a moment before striking upon an idea, "Even though you all complain about it, I still love the smell of human food. Muffins, coffee, lasagna. Sometimes I wish I could cook just to smell it."

"Disgusting," he said, but smiled all the same.

"Now it's your turn, and make it count," she warned.

"Okay," he began, the smile falling from his face, his expression suddenly serious. He hesitated, but decided to continue. "I came back to check on you once…when we left."

Bella looked at him, unsure of what he meant. "What, when?"

"When Edward left you," he said softly, taking her hands in his. "When we all left."

His meaning dawned on her and she could feel a lump forming in her throat, though she couldn't cry. Her voice came out in a rasp. "Why?"

"I don't know," he replied honestly, "I wanted to make sure you were okay. We left so abruptly, and I didn't think it was right. We left because he wanted to keep you safe, he wanted to do what he thought was right, but he never considered what you _wanted_."

He paused, looking deeply into her eyes. Bella unconsciously gripped his hands tighter, emotion swelling in her chest.

Putting her hands on the side of his face, she kissed him forcefully, putting all of the emotion behind it that she felt inside. She didn't know what it was but his admission changed something, made her feel something she didn't know was there.

"You came back." She smiled, though it made her feel like crying.

"Sometimes," he said a little breathless, his eyes boring into hers. "What's right and the action that you should take are completely opposite of one another."

Bella knew then that they weren't talking about the past anymore and she tilted her head to the side, dropping her hands down from his face back to his chest. "Jasper we're not talking about Edward anymore are we?"

He shook his head. "No Bella, I want…" he began but stopped, dropping his head down and not looking her in the eye.

Bella waited impatiently for the rest, knowing somehow that it was important, that she wanted to hear it and just as he was about to continue the sound of her phone rang out and they both turned to it startled. "Oh," she said, leaning for her purse and pulling it out.

The name Edward blinked silently on the screen like a beacon reminding her of reality.

He looked at her pleadingly, wanted to finish what he had begun to say, but before Jasper could do anything to stop her, Bella opened the door and climbed out, clutching her phone. He sunk into the seat, listening to her conversation quietly.

"No, I'm done. I'll be right home. Yes, okay."

When she came back to the car he had already gotten out and was leaning against the door with a sad expression.

"I have to go," she said simply.

"I know."

Standing across from him she felt lost again, confused by what her mind told her about the reality of the situation and what she could feel pulling at her from inside. All she knew for sure was that she dreaded another two days without being able to see him.

"We can't let it be two days again," she said, wrapping her arms quickly around him and burying her face in his chest. She could feel him nod against her, but he still didn't say anything.

Turning her face up to him she kissed him, closing her eyes tightly and trying to savor his scent and the feeling.

/&/

When she entered the house, Edward sat on the couch staring blankly at the television screen. He glanced over at her, eyeing her bags and a small smile pulled at the corners of his lips.

She walked over to him with forced confidence, feeling the same weight pushing down on her as before. "Here," she said, pulling out a book on Modern Composers and thrusting it at him. "I got this for you."

He took the book and as she sat down next to him, placing her hand on his forearm delicately, the smile fell from his face.

He didn't open the book, but stared at its cover. Bella looked at him curiously and could see confusion brimming in his eyes.

"Edward?" she questioned, feeling panic rise within her.

When he spoke his voice was low and monotonous, the tone he used when he was purposely reining himself in. "Did you see Jasper when you were out?"

Bella's mouth opened in shock, the weight bearing down on her harder, but she recovered quickly. "No of course not, I just went to the bookstore. I have no idea where he went," she said quickly.

"Are you sure?" he asked, his tone a little more resolute, the pitch changing.

Bella had rarely heard him speak that way, but she stuck to her story and gave him the answer she thought she was supposed to, "Yes, Edward. I'm sure."

Edward's eyes moved from the book to her face and the confusion was replaced by anger. "Bella," he said slowly the way he said her name stinging her, "Don't lie to me. I can smell him all over you."

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**A/N: Let me know what you think now that things are spiraling out of control.**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: You guys have been so kind with your reviews so I decided to post the next chapter. I'm glad you're enjoying the story so much, I've seen a lot of people putting it on their alerts the past few days.**

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Chapter Nine:

Bella looked at him with wide-eyed shock. For a moment she wasn't sure if she could remember how to breathe. In such disbelief at his words, she considered asking him to repeat what he said, but she didn't. She knew exactly what he said and she could feel her world begin to crash around her. She could see he was expecting her to say something, but she couldn't form a coherent thought, let alone speak.

"Well?" he said a little too forcefully, his eyes narrowing at her in anger. She shrunk underneath his penetrating gaze.

"I did see Jasper," she admitted quietly.

He furrowed his eyebrows, cocking his head to the side. "Bella, I don't understand why you would feel the need to keep that from me. Why you would even need to sneak around at all…" his voice trailed off as something occurred to him and his mind struggled to wrap itself around the thought.

The pieces began to fall together and he spoke aloud as if to himself. "You lying…all the time you've been spending together, Alice leaving…you spending the night with him in the woods…"

"Edward," she forced herself to say, her voice choked. She reached out to touch his arm tentatively and he flinched from the contact.

Mouth slightly agape, he looked into her eyes, his face no longer the calm mask she had grown accustomed to. So many emotions were swimming in his eyes that Bella could not put a name to any one.

"Bella, tell me this isn't what it seems," he pleaded, his face contorted in confusion. When she didn't answer, he repeated the question, his voice noticeably shaking. "_Please_ tell me this isn't what it seems."

Bella felt sick. She had never wanted to outright lie to him, and she couldn't then. She looked down at the floor, ashamed to look him in the eye.

Her lack of a response was answer enough.

He stood up quickly, but stayed glued to his spot on the floor, staring down at her in utter disbelief. She buried her face in her hands and a tearless sob wracked her body.

"Bella?" her name came out like a question, like he didn't even recognize the woman in front of him.

The room was frozen, filled with tension and the weight of unanswered questions. Neither of them moved, Bella afraid of what would happen if she looked at him and Edward afraid of what it would mean if she didn't.

"I didn't mean for this to happen," she said, her body trembling.

When he spoke again his voice was no longer shaking, his practiced calm taking over. "What did you mean to happen then?"

Bella hated the sound of the emotionless monotone more than she feared the anger. She stood up, finally looking into his face. He averted his eyes from hers, but didn't move away when she reached out to touch him. She shook her head, "I don't know…"

The sound of the door opening startled them, both so immersed in the situation that they hadn't heard the car approach. Before Jasper even came into the room he knew what was happening. He could feel the emotional climate as soon as he turned into the driveway. Though he hadn't expected it so soon, he knew this moment would come.

Edward's eyes turned to the door, any sadness or confusion gone and replaced by a fiery anger. "Get out," he growled.

Jasper ignored him, taking several cautious steps towards them. "Edward, I'm not going to leave."

"I said, get out!" he yelled and Bella flinched in front of him. She was afraid of what Edward would do if she turned around to look at Jasper, so she remained with her back to him.

They stared at each other for a long moment, Bella the only thing between them.

"What's going on?" Emmett asked, coming down the stairs with Rosalie in tow. He surveyed the room, and his muscles tensed at the defensive stances of both of his brothers.

Edward's eyes never left Jasper's. "Why don't you ask _him_?" he replied, his tone dripping vitriol. "Why don't you ask him how long he's been sleeping with _my_ wife?"

Emmett took in a surprised breath. "Dude…there is no way…Jasper?"

Jasper swallowed hard, glancing at him. Emmett furrowed his eyebrows, a look of confused betrayal crossing his features.

Rosalie turned to Jasper in disbelief, "Jasper how could you? What about _Alice_…and Edward. He's your brother!"

"No Rose," Edward interrupted, his tone icy. "I only have one brother."

"Edward, please," Bella whispered, but Edward ignored her.

"How long has this been going on, Jasper?" he asked, his voice dangerously low.

Finally Bella allowed herself to turn and look at him, awaiting the answer. Edward didn't seem to notice she had moved.

"What does that matter?"

"It matters to me. Though I guess you don't care about that because all you think about is yourself."

"That isn't true."

"Oh it isn't?" Edward laughed, the sound of it frightening. "Maybe we should ask Alice."

Jasper shook his head quickly, stealing a glance at Bella. The look on her face made his heart break. "Edward, don't…"

"Don't tell me what I can and cannot do. You are the lowest of the low. You took advantage of her, she was vulnerable and you knew it. You took your friendship and twisted it into…this. She is my wife you selfish, manipulative asshole…"

"Stop talking about Bella like she's not in the room," Jasper interrupted him his voice rising in anger. He turned to her again, locking eyes with her.

Edward's eyes blazed with rage and he stepped between them. "Don't you look at her. Don't even say her name."

The tension in the room spiked, both men standing their ground. Edward probed into Jasper's mind, and in his heightened emotional state Jasper didn't have the grasp on his mental block that he would normally. Images of Bella flashed indiscriminately along with the lines of verse he tried desperately to hold on to.

Edward winced at the sight of Jasper brushing the hair from Bella's shoulder and kissing it; Bella's smile in return causing another spike of pain to shoot through him. An image of the waves crashing against Bella and Jasper as they kissed passionately followed, and Edward couldn't help the low growl that emanated from his chest.

"Guys," Emmett said, moving to get between them. "We just need to calm down a bit and take a step back."

Edward snorted, "Would you be calm if you were me Emmett?"

"No," he admitted and reluctantly backed off, glancing over at Jasper in pity.

Jasper tried to send calm feelings into the room, though he himself was having a hard time feeling the emotion. He could tell by Bella's fear how much she expected a fight.

"Don't even try to do that right now," Edward barked.

_Bella is scared. I was only trying to help_, Jasper thought.

"Oh that's rich," Edward spat, "I think you've done quite enough."

Edward positioned himself so that he was completely blocking Bella and his body crouched slightly instinctively. "If you don't leave now, so help me I will rip your throat out."

"You could try," Jasper responded in a growl, his body poised to fight.

Though Jasper's experience might at some time give him the upper hand, Bella knew that Edward's anger coupled with his ability would not make him an easy adversary. She shuddered at the thought of either one of them hurting each other.

"Please," she pleaded, grabbing Edward's arm and pulling him back, "Don't fight."

He turned around to look at her as if remembering for the first time that she was in the room. His eyes changed from anger to sadness and pity. "Okay. Let's go upstairs and talk, just the two of us. Please?"

She glanced back at Jasper who looked at her steadfastly with a saddened expression. Looking back at Edward, her chest swelled with sorrow and regret. "Okay."

He gripped her hand, leading her towards the stairway. Turning around to look at Jasper, he said, "When I come back you better not be here. I can't even stand to look at you."

"Bella…" Jasper began, ignoring Edward, "Is this what you want?"

She couldn't respond, and Jasper could feel her sadness and despair keenly. She only nodded and turned to follow Edward up the stairs.

Jasper turned around towards the door and even upstairs Bella could hear the crack of the wood as he slammed it on his way out.

Rosalie rushed out after him, her anger brimming. He sat down on the porch, not wanting to admit to himself that he was staying nearby to hear what Edward and Bella said to each other.

Rosalie stood in front of him, her tone low and contemptuous. "This is our family Jasper. You've effectively ripped it apart. You ruined it for _everyone_."

"I know," he said, willing to take all the blame if it meant Bella was spared the shouting.

They remained in complete silence for a minute and Jasper strained to hear the words coming from inside the house. Edward was speaking in a low voice and he could barely make out what was said.

"God what were you thinking?" Rosalie continued her voice louder than before, "I just don't get it. You're willing to sacrifice everything, destroy this family and for what? For some sex?"

Jasper almost laughed. "It's not about sex Rosalie."

"Oh, what? Do you _love_ her?" she asked incredulously.

Jasper continued to stare into the distance without answering, his face emotionless.

Rosalie nodded and took a deep breath, "Good, I'm glad. You know what? I hope it was worth it, because when this is all over she is going to go back to him and they're going to ride off into the sunset like the perfect little couple that they are, and you? You're going to be left with nothing."

She stormed into the house, slamming the already broken door. Jasper remained silent, watching her go, and deep inside of him he feared that she was right.

/&/

Bella turned the situation over in her head, wondering what would happen next, and knowing that no matter what the family had been ripped apart. She hung her head in shame at the thought of Esme and Carlisle returning from their trip to a completely broken home. She could imagine Esme's face and the heartbreak this would cause the woman who had never been anything but wonderful to her.

The sound of the door cracking as Jasper went out replayed itself in her mind. He was hurt now, but she wasn't sure what else she could have done. Edward was the one that had been wronged, she had to go with him and work things out.

Edward sat across from her now, his hand covering her smaller one, his mouth in a tight line. "How many times did it happen?" he asked quietly.

Bella sighed, she didn't want to but she felt obligated to answer. "It really only happened once."

Edward let out a deep breath in relief. "Good."

He inhaled slowly again, steeling himself for the next question. "How did this all start? How did he get you to do this?"

Bella didn't know what to say. For her it had just started, being around him, talking to him, getting to know a different side of him that he kept so guarded on a day to day basis. She had just begun to feel, and she hadn't even given herself time to understand those feelings, and now Edward expected her to explain them aloud.

"He didn't make me do anything," she defended, remembering what he had accused Jasper of earlier. She waited for his anger to flair up at the words.

Instead he reacted the opposite way; he stroked her hand and moved closer to her. "Of course not Bella," he soothed. "But this isn't you. You were going through something. I just wish you would have come to me. Maybe if I would have been more open you would have."

"Don't blame yourself," she whispered in disbelief. "I'm the one to blame…and I'm sorry, so sorry."

He put one arm around her, rubbing his hand in soothing circles down her back. "Bella, love, I understand and its okay. I know it was never about Jasper. You were just going through something, rebelling. You weren't yourself. At least now I know and we can work on things together. It'll be perfect now, I promise."

She didn't know if what he was saying was right or not; she didn't know what she had felt for Jasper. Every moment she was with him she had felt unusual, wilder, like a different bolder person was controlling her every action. She had wondered at that unknown person, the one who would cliff dive and tease him in the forest.

Had it not even been about Jasper? Bella had been sure she felt something for him, something that thrilled and frightened her, something that made her body fill with strange warmth. Now she feared that Edward was right, it was not her but a rebellion. Her head was spinning. "I'm so confused."

"Of course you are, you've had your emotions twisted around, but now you can go back to being you."

She had never felt so confused before. She thought of Jasper's face and pushed the emotion it caused down deep inside of her. Instead of exploring the confusion, she clung to the hope for redemption that Edward presented to her.

She remembered their past together, the happiness, the way he looked at her on their wedding day, and she longed for those feelings again, to be rid of the pain she now felt. She clung to every memory.

She didn't regret what had happened with Jasper and thinking about him hurt her, but she needed this now. She needed to fix the life that had been so utterly broken. And she did love Edward, of course she did.

Things she had avoided thinking about began to hit her. "I hurt you, and Alice, oh Alice…I'm such a horrible person," she cried.

"Shh," Edward whispered. "You're not a bad person, not at all. Everything is going to be all right."

"Edward, how can it be perfect again?" she asked almost desperately, and she could feel a sob building.

"We'll leave for awhile, just the two of us. We'll go to Europe; you've always wanted to go to Europe," he spoke quickly, the idea coming to him all at once, "We've been together for thirty years Bella, we can't just throw that away now…for some mistake."

Working it out was the right thing to do. She needed to try, she owed him that.

Ignoring the tiny voice inside of her that screamed no, she nodded.

"So is that a yes?" he asked, his face brightening, a tiny glint coming back to his eyes.

"Yes."

He hugged her close and her mind strayed to Jasper again. Her chest swelled and she could feel a piece of her heart breaking. What she may or may not have felt for him didn't matter now, it was over. It had to be.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten:

Bella took a heavy breath, trying to calm the ache in her chest. She leaned into Edward's hug, trying to feel any sort of comfort she could muster, but receiving none. His arms felt stiff to her, not quite right.

"We have so much to do," Edward said, pulling away from her and sitting back against the couch, his eyes never leaving her. "We'll need to pack, to buy plane tickets, to arrange for somewhere to stay…"

"Calm down a bit," she told him softly. "We have plenty of time."

"No, I would prefer to leave now; the sooner the better."

His face remained blank, but his eyes rapidly changed emotion. Bella knew his studied calm and his willingness to accept what had happened couldn't last forever. She hadn't even fully accepted it. She waited for the other shoe to drop.

"I think you should slow down and deal with this Edward…you can't really be so okay with it."

"I don't need to slow down, Bella. I'm fine."

"I don't see how you could be," she replied skeptically.

He remained thoughtful. "Well there is one thing," he said, sitting forward and taking her hands in his. He locked eyes with her. "You have to swear something to me."

She nodded numbly.

"Swear to me that it didn't mean anything, that it was just lust, that it was just a big mistake," he said with building urgency.

Looking at him with a dumbfounded expression, she remained quiet for a moment. She knew she couldn't rightly say that it was just lust or that it meant nothing, she didn't know those things herself. Perhaps it was a mistake, but even admitting that aloud felt awkward and untrue to her ears.

"Bella, please," he continued, his eyes large and filled with sadness.

She knew he needed to hear it, and though she didn't want to she said, "I swear it was just lust."

"And it meant nothing?" he prodded, causing a painful stab in her chest.

"It meant nothing," she said quietly, her eyes falling away from his.

He hugged her close again, more tightly than before as if he were releasing pent up emotion in the embrace. She hugged him back, and yet she couldn't find the same release as he seemed to, instead she thought of Jasper.

"Edward," she said slowly, pulling back. "I need to do something."

"Anything, love."

She swallowed hard. "I need to go to Jasper and tell him it's…over. Tell him goodbye."

"No," Edward said sharply his eyes blazing. He recovered himself slightly before continuing more softly. "No, I don't think it's a good idea."

"But Edward…"

"No," he repeated firmly. "While I arrange for our trip, you can stay here with Emmett."

She let out a breath, worried about fighting it. "Fine."

He gave her a long look before smiling, though it never quite reached his eyes. "Good. I'll be right back."

He got up, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead before going downstairs to inform Emmett of their plan.

Bella sat back against the couch feeling helpless. On one hand she wanted to go along with him, to not argue because she felt that agreeing was what he deserved after her betrayal, but on the other hand she wanted to yell and remind him that she didn't need to be babysat, that she wasn't the young girl running off to see Jacob in La Push.

When Edward came back into the room she tried to manage a smile, but couldn't feel the enthusiasm for it.

"Emmett is waiting for you downstairs, I shouldn't take long," he said in a breath.

"Okay," she responded quietly. Edward ignored the meekness in her voice. She stood up to go downstairs without really looking at him.

Emmett watched her as she came down the stairs, shocked at the deadened look in her eyes. She sat down next to him on the couch, barely turning to acknowledge his presence. Edward gave him a quick nod as he went out the door, but the room remained silent.

"So…" Emmett said after a moment, garnering no response from Bella.

She stared into space for a minute, trying to untangle the web of emotions she could feel building up inside of her. Her eyes darted to the door, surveying the large crack in the pale wood that had been left from Jasper's departure. She watched the door a minute longer, half expecting him to come into the room at any moment, half hoping for it, but he didn't.

She couldn't imagine a house without him in it, her life without him there, but the possibility of him being near her again was slim. The idea of it struck her, filling her with unhappiness. Edward came to mind and she reassured herself that she was making the right decision.

And even though Edward said he didn't think she should see him, she knew she had to. She couldn't leave things the way they were without feeling sad and uncomfortable with the situation. She wasn't sure if talking to him would do anything; she had so much and yet so little to say all at once. If anything, she needed to say goodbye, to see him, to do something besides sit there and feel so wrong inside.

She stood up quickly, surprising Emmett. "Emmett," she said slowly, "I have to do something. You can try and stop me but I promise I'll fight back."

"I can't let you leave…" he hedged, thinking of Edward's anger if he did.

Turning to look at him, her black eyes surprisingly filled with raw emotion, she said again, "I have to do something. I promise you I will come back…I just…" She paused, taking a deep breath. "I didn't get to say goodbye."

The sadness in her words overwhelmed him. He watched her still form for a second, knowing she wouldn't wait for permission. Edward would be angry, but something told Emmett that this was the right thing to do. He hated seeing Bella the way she was, her face drained of everything that made her, _her_. Maybe it would help her to go. Everything else was so screwed up; there could be no harm in letting her go. "…Okay."

She darted toward the door, but he called her back. "Bella?"

One foot already out the door, she turned to face him.

He let out a deep breath, "Can you tell him…tell him that if he doesn't plan on coming back…I'll miss him, and I don't hate him."

A sad smile tugged at the corners of her lips, "Of course, Emmett." She turned to go, and without looking back at him, whispered, "Thank you."

Bella didn't wait for anything more, she flew out the door at top speed, somehow knowing where she would be able to find Jasper.

The air was crisp with cold and she could smell the impending snow without having seen a single flake. Somehow fall had come and gone when she wasn't looking. A lot had passed by without notice.

She tried to think of exactly what to say while she ran, but her mind could come up with nothing but goodbye. She began to hate the word.

She came to a skittering stop in the clearing, ten feet from where Jasper sat staring into the distance. Without looking at her, he stood as if to go, taking one step in the opposite direction of her.

"Jasper wait," she said, reaching out her hand in protest.

He stopped, taking a deep breath and pushing down the sadness he felt at the sound of her voice. Closing his eyes tightly, the memory of her conversation with Edward replayed itself in his head and he clenched his fists to stop from running. He could feel her emotions pressing into him and something about her mixed feelings, her sorrow and unease, touched him and made him want to stay. He waited for her to speak without turning around, afraid to look her in the eye.

"I…" she began, but no words came out. She stared at him with wide eyes, her chest swelling with familiar feelings.

The silence lingered between them, bearing its weight upon them.

"You're leaving," he stated and his tone was colder than she had ever heard it before. The lack of emotion in his words reminded her of Edward's calm demeanor and she almost shivered.

"Yes," she choked out.

Bella stood staring at his profile for a long time, willing him to look at her, but frightened of what she would see in his expression.

When he finally turned to look at her, she saw nothing of the coldness in his voice, his dark eyes were merely sad.

She took a step forward and he stepped backward automatically. "Jasper…I'm sorry."

His jaw clenched together. "For what? It was just lust right? A mistake?"

Biting her lip, she closed her eyes. He had heard. "Jasper…" She almost felt unable to say anything more; a tearless sob shook her body. She wasn't sure if it would be easier to lie and say it was lust or to admit that she didn't think that it was but that it didn't matter.

The tenor of her emotions as they flooded his system did not match her words to Edward. He felt cautiously hopeful. "Bella," he began, his tone softer than before but somehow more intense. "Look me in the eyes and tell me it meant nothing."

She looked down at the cracked twigs beside his feet. The same suffocating silence fell upon them, and her lack of an answer made Jasper's hope build higher. "Just tell me like you told him."

It was his turn to take a large stride towards her, leaving less than a foot of space between them. Jasper's hand went to her chin, tilting her face up from the ground to look at him. She closed her eyes and a ragged breath left her lips, "I can't."

Tension buzzed between them, and Bella could feel his breath on her face. For a moment she wanted him to kiss her, but before she could fully release herself to the feeling, she pulled back and looked away, remembering her purpose.

"I came here to say goodbye," she said as dryly as possible.

Jasper's hope crashed. "So you're going to let him take you away?"

She nodded, unable to speak or to look at him. She loved Edward, she did. So why wasn't this easier?

A tiny white snowflake fell to the ground in front of her and she looked up to see more following. They landed on her, clinging to her hair.

Jasper watched her for a long time. "Is this what you want, Bella?"

She finally looked at him, trying to muster up the conviction to end their affair once and for all. "It's the right thing to do."

"Maybe it is, but I didn't ask that Bella, I asked if it was what you wanted." He brushed a tiny flake of snow out of her hair.

Turning her face away, she sighed. "It doesn't matter what I want, it has been thirty years. He's right, I can't throw that away. I was just going through something Maybe once I'm gone it'll be all right, I can go back to being myself and not…this stupid impulsive person I don't recognize."

Jasper furrowed his eyebrows in a mix of anger and confusion. "Bella it _does_ matter what you want, how can you say that? That confident woman you've been these past weeks _is_ you, you've changed and grown, you told me that yourself. You weren't going through something, you're just not that young human girl anymore and he can't see that. You can make your own decisions. Please, don't let him make them for you."

His words hit her, and though she could recognize truth in them she fought it. "Jasper, I can't do this…I'm sorry I can't. I have to do what's right; I have to stay with him."

"There's nothing I can say to keep you here?" he asked, staring at her intently, saying exactly what he felt, not caring anymore about keeping it inside.

_Everything, nothing, just ask me to stay, ask me, ask me_, her mind swam. She stopped herself from thinking such thoughts. Eventually she'd get over him, she would be with Edward and everything would go back to normal. It had to, she couldn't possibly stay and still make things right.

"No," she said finally, her voice shaking.

The sadness he felt enveloped him and he could hardly rein it in. He hadn't ever thought he'd know what it was like to feel his own emotion above all else, with her he did, always; but to feel it at that moment he wanted nothing but to give it away.

"Okay," he said simply, swallowing hard. "If that is the decision you have made, I will respect it."

She could feel herself spiraling downward with nothing to grab a hold of. She clung to whatever she could. "Maybe one day, after everything dies down we can be friends again…"

He shook his head sadly. "No Bella, this is it. When we're done here I'm leaving and I'm not coming back."

Despair filled her at the words, but there was nothing she could do. She had made her decision for better or worse.

"Oh," she responded lamely. "Where will you go?"

He sighed. "For now I'm going to visit my friends Peter and Charlotte and from then who knows. Alice invited me to come to Denali, but I think I'll give it time."

She nodded, trying to think of something to say that would keep him longer in her presence.

She thought suddenly of Emmett. "Emmett wanted to say goodbye, that he'll miss you and that he doesn't hate you."

Jasper's posture softened at the words, glad to know he would always have his best friend if he needed him. "Thank you."

The snow began to come down harder, blanketing the ground around them. She felt her phone vibrate in her pocket and she closed her eyes.

"You should go," Jasper said quietly.

She looked up, meeting his eyes for the last time. She felt she had more to say, so much more that she never would.

Jasper took a deep breath, trying to push out the words he never wanted to say. "Goodbye Bella."

The finality of his tone pierced her. When she replied her words barely escaped her lips. "Goodbye Jasper."

Before she could move he stepped forward, putting one hand around her waist and the other on the back of her head, pressing his lips against hers with a passion mixed with sadness. She stood stunned for a moment, her knees feeling completely weak beneath her. She could feel the tearless prick behind her eyes, as she put her arms around him, kissing him back with force for the final time.

She almost sighed against his lips, the feelings building inside of her coming to an impossible crescendo. It felt perfect, like home, like she should be doing it always. But it wasn't, it was goodbye and she knew it.

When she pulled away she was breathless, gazing at his dark eyes that could no longer meet hers.

Her phone buzzed again in her pocket and she knew she couldn't linger any longer. With one final look at him she ran out of the clearing, pushing herself to her top speed.

As soon as she was gone, Jasper let out the only words he had ever held back from her, the ones he had never said aloud. "I love you," he whispered. Maybe she would hear, maybe not, he didn't feel it mattered anymore.

She heard his whispered words and she stopped in her tracks, putting her palm against her chest as if the pain she felt there was physical. He was speaking the unspeakable, but she was glad for it.

Though she had never admitted it, she knew it was true. She loved him.

"I love you too," she whispered back before she took off running toward the house again. She wasn't sure if he had intended for her to hear him, but she hoped despite everything that he had heard her response.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks again for all the reviews, I know this chapter was pretty heavy emotionally, but it always gets worse before it gets any better. Let me know what you think!**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven:

Going home meant facing Edward after he had expressly told her not to go to Jasper, but she didn't care. She couldn't imagine him saying or doing anything that would make her feel any worse than she did at that moment. In fact, she probably deserved his wrath for what had occurred moments before. Though no ears but her own had heard the words, she had admitted to loving another man, and she knew that in doing so she had wronged Edward to an even greater degree than she had in the previous weeks. Being unfaithful was a terrible offense, but love, love was something else entirely and to have crossed that line meant more than she was willing to let herself consider.

She resolved then that she would make up for everything by staying near Edward and remaining devoted to him no matter what the cost to herself. Everything was for Edward now.

"I will forget Jasper," she said aloud, trying to muster up the necessary determination. "I have to."

Supporting herself on the idea of what was right and steadfastly ignoring the dull ache in her chest, she ran back into the yard in front of the house. Edward was waiting for her, clutching his phone in one angry fist and pacing the porch with his eyes trained to the forest. When he saw her, he stopped pacing, but he wasn't able to relax.

"Emmett promised he would watch you and he didn't. I expressly requested that you not leave the house. You promised me, Bella."

She took a deep, shaky breath and approached him, putting her hand gently on his forearm. "Don't blame Emmett. I didn't give him a choice," she said quietly. "I'm sorry I left, but it's done now, for good. I am here for you and only you."

He regarded her closely, unsure of what to do and how he was supposed to react to the situation. He knew that anger was the proper response and that he had so many reasons to be upset with her, but in the end he felt it was easier and better for them if he pushed that feeling away.

She looked back at him, watching the varying unknown thoughts and feelings flicker in his eyes, but after a moment of his close scrutiny she had to avert her gaze. She looked down at a spot of snow on the porch, studying the unimportant speck of white like a scolded child. When she felt his arms circle around her and his lips softly press against the top of her head she let herself fall into the hug and lean on him for support that she desperately needed.

"I arranged our trip," he said into her hair, purposely dropping the topic of her defection. "We're leaving tomorrow for England."

"That's great," she replied, but her voice came out less excited than she had intended.

He pulled back to look at her, his hands still resting on her back, and she pushed a smile onto her face, hoping that it didn't look as false as it felt.

After a few seemingly long seconds, she broke the silence. "Well I better start packing."

Edward nodded in assent and brushed his lips against her forehead before releasing her to go into the house. Instead of following her as she pushed open the door and headed up the stairs, he stood on the porch staring at the expanse of the lawn and the ever quickening snowfall that blanketed his world in white.

He reached out into the woods with his mind, searching for any errant thoughts in the empty wilderness. He reassured himself by thinking that he was merely securing the isolation and safety of the house, but the mind he was really looking for was Jasper's.

When he didn't find any trace of anyone he turned to go into the house, pleased, but as he opened the door he paused to examine the large crack that snaked down the center and in that moment he caught the edge of a frantic, yet determined voice.

He turned back around towards the direction of the road and listened carefully for the thoughts to repeat themselves or to be followed by something more concrete that would allow him to identify the voice, but he was greeted with nothing but silence. After a moment of listening with all of the strength of his power, he heard another distinct sound, not with his mind but with his ears; the sound of a car engine in the distance.

Abandoning the idea of going into the house, he stood and waited as the sound grew louder and with it, any doubt that the person in the car was heading in the direction of their home.

Though the opening of the driveway was blocked by trees, as soon as the car neared the turn of the drive, Edward knew by the familiar tenor of the person's thoughts who was behind the wheel.

Alice.

He waited with some impatience as she pulled up and turned the ignition off. When she exited the car, almost flinging the door open and slamming it behind her, he could see a myriad of emotion on her face; frustration chiefly, but a small amount of sadness as well.

"Edward, we need to talk."

"_Now_ you want to talk?" he responded. He couldn't help the sudden anger he felt towards her brimming up inside of him. "You should have spoken with me the minute you had your first vision about this. We have never had any secrets between us Alice and when it really counted you didn't do a damn thing! You just left."

"I had to leave," she stated with an almost matter of fact self assurance. "I had to let it run its course."

"No you didn't!" he replied, his voice suddenly growing louder. "You should have warned me about it and stayed and helped me to stop it from happening instead of running away and not giving me any warning at all. This was not the proper course! You _had_ to do anything but leave without saying a word."

Alice closed her eyes for a second and when she opened them, she looked at him with pity. "Don't you see, Edward? Even if I had stayed, we never could have stopped this from happening. If it wasn't now, it would have been later."

"No I don't believe that. He…he took advantage of her, she was going through something and he used that to get to her. She would have gotten over it and she would have been fine. Carlisle told me to let her be for awhile and let her get adjusted, if I had just stayed near her…and _you_, if you had just told me I could have saved everyone from this mess."

She put a hand on his forearm to stop him from his long diatribe and the pity he saw in her eyes grew stronger, causing him to become even angrier with her.

"You can't continue to blame everyone but her to hide that she hurt you," she said quietly. "It doesn't work like that. She is an adult Edward and she made her own decisions."

He shook his arm out of her reach and turned away, gripping the ice cold railing of the porch almost to the point of it splintering. He tried to turn his thoughts away from the dangerous subject that she had broached, pushing every ounce of anger and hurt that he felt towards Bella away. "Why did you come back?"

Eyeing his stiff form with caution, she considered her words before she spoke. "I left to let the future I foresaw come of its own fruition, and I came back because what I thought would happen has changed now."

His head turned rapidly in her direction. "What do you mean? Is she going to go back to him?"

She sighed. "No Edward, that's not it."

Letting go of the railing, he turned towards her with a swiftness bordering on violence. "Then what is it, Alice? Stop being vague and just tell me what is going on because I don't have the energy for this."

"They…" she began and shook her head to reconsider, "Jasper was going to be happy and now all I see in his future is pain and sorrow."

Edward narrowed his eyes in disbelief. "And after all this you care about his happiness?"

"You care about Bella's happiness," she countered. "It's the same thing Edward."

He straightened his shoulders in defiance and looked down at her. "No, it's not…he did this, not her."

"Edward...they did this together…"

"Shut up!" he said sharply, turning away from her to face the yard again.

Alice sighed in frustration. "It's fine if you can't admit it to yourself yet but I have to make you understand what's at stake here."

"I know what's at stake here."

"No, you don't," she said, trying to push her thoughts into his mind so that he would understand what she'd seen. He shook his head furiously, trying to ignore the happy visions of Jasper and Bella he saw there.

He took a step away from her as if the distance would stop his ability from working as effectively. "Stop, just stop. I don't understand any of this. Have you forgiven him; are you over this so quickly?"

She took a deep breath, letting it out in a shaky gust of air. When she spoke again, her voice wasn't nearly as strong as before. "I haven't…and I'm not, at all. It hurts more than anyone can know. I just care about them both and I want them to be happy, even if that happiness does not include me."

Edward's hands balled into fists and he squeezed so tightly his fingernails dug into his hands. He could feel the terrible pang in his chest at the implication of her words. "She'll be happy with me again, the way things are won't last forever."

"No, you're right," Alice replied gently, taking a step towards him. "She'll get a little better as time goes on. She'll convince herself that she is content with the fact that she stayed with you and twenty, thirty years from now you'll be together and travel and maybe she'll even laugh again, but she won't be truly happy…she won't be Bella, not the same one you remember."

Her words fell upon him heavily and weighed down his heart, but he still couldn't believe her. "She promised to stay with me, she wants to. She loves me."

She hated to hurt him further, but she knew if she didn't push she would never get through to him. "I know, and she would stay with you forever if you let her. That is how she has always been; she will continue to put you above herself for the rest of eternity. Can you really live with that knowledge? Can you keep her with you forever, all the while knowing that every time she gets a distant look in her eyes she's probably thinking about him?"

Edward looked at her, his mind racing through his feelings. He straightened up, taking a deep breath before responding. "Yes, I can. I will not lose her."

Alice shook her head quickly. "You don't even know what you're saying…just look at my vision, look at her…"

"God damnit Alice, stop. I do know what I'm saying I had this under control before you came along, so you better not get in my way."

He marched passed her angrily and went into the house, pushing the cracked door open so hard that it shattered into pieces under his touch.

/&/

Bella packed her things, oblivious to the argument taking place downstairs. She had heard the car arrive, but her mind had been too distracted to tune into the voices rising and falling outside.

When Edward came back in the room, his body still stiff with anger, she didn't even look up from her task. He stood staring at her for awhile, remembering everything Alice had said and feeling ever more comfortable with his resolve to take Bella away. Alice's visions changed constantly and he knew from experience that there were often multiple paths in every situation. There was no guarantee that Bella would be miserable and that her sadness would never fully abate. Now that he saw her blank, lifeless face through Alice's vision he could stop it from happening and he could keep her happy.

"How is the packing going?" he asked, moving closer to her and placing a protective hand on her back.

She unconsciously stiffened under his touch, swallowing the ever present lump in her throat. "Fine, though I'm really unsure what to bring."

"Bring everything, who knows how long we'll be gone."

She furrowed her eyebrows and turned to him, suddenly panicked. "What do you mean?"

"Well, who knows, you might enjoy yourself so much that we'll stay for years," he said drily, his words contradicting the image of Alice's vision that popped up once more behind his eyes.

"Maybe," she replied, turning back to fold another sweater into her suitcase. She thought about being away from home, from her family, for years and a pain tugged at her heart, but then she remembered the state of the family and she tucked it away, thinking that perhaps going away really was for the best.

After watching her for a few minutes, Edward turned away from her and went to his own closet to pack his things. He had only taken down a few items before he heard the steps on the stairs and the tiny knock on their bedroom door. The anger that had only moments before began to disappear now returned and he moved from his closet to the door with vampiric speed, ripping the door open. "Go away. I don't want to talk to you anymore right now."

She looked at him with a sudden coolness. "I don't want to talk to you, I want to talk to Bella."

"No," he snapped, putting his body in the center of the door frame. "Absolutely not."

Bella had come out of her closet surprised to hear Alice's voice and stood watching the exchange quietly from inside the room. Edward's resolute tone scared her, but it was easy to ignore it with the mingled guilt and curiosity that Alice's appearance excited.

Alice glanced at Bella and then narrowed her eyes at Edward. "You may be afraid of what I'll say to her, but this isn't your choice, it's Bella's."

"No," he repeated firmly.

"Edward please let me talk to her," Bella's voice came quietly from behind him.

He clenched his teeth and glared at Alice before reluctantly moving aside. He opened his mouth to speak but she put up a hand to stop him, knowing what he was going to say before he did. She directed her thoughts at him;_ I will not say anything about my visions to try and influence her._

The thought relaxed him slightly, but not enough to stop him from looking into her mind for her intentions. To his complete irritation she was blocking him from listening. She had always been the most effective at it and he knew that as long as he looked she would never let him in.

Alice came into the room, standing beside the couch and turning to look at Edward expectantly. He looked back at her, waiting for her to say something before the meaning of her look dawned on him.

"I'm staying in the room," he said evenly, matching her stare with his own.

"Oh do you need to babysit your wife now?" Alice questioned tartly, knowing that the mention of being babied would bring Bella over to her side.

Just as expected, Bella turned to Edward and said brusquely, "I can manage speaking to Alice on my own."

Edward sighed, and rather than fight with either of them he relented. "Fine, but I'll be just downstairs."

His words that were said as a means of comforting Bella carried a meaning for Alice as well. He was letting her know in no uncertain terms that he would be in earshot and that he would not tolerate her interference.

Alice smiled at him triumphantly, but as soon as he was out of the room she became suddenly serious. She walked over and closed the door, coming back and sitting on the couch. She motioned for Bella to sit down across from her and as she moved to join her, Alice was able to take in Bella's appearance in person for the first time. The girl she had left in house the week before had been saddened and confused, but the woman she saw before her now looked broken.

She didn't know how Edward could look at the woman he loved in this state and continue with his plan as if everything would be fine.

Bella sat down across from Alice and had trouble meeting her friend's eyes. "Alice, I'm so sorry…if I could take it back I would…"

Alice shook her head quickly and put her hand up to stop Bella from speaking in the same way she had stopped Edward.

"Even though you might have convinced yourself of that, you wouldn't," she replied quickly. "And I'm not here to listen to you apologize, I know you're sorry for hurting me. I'm here to say something to you that I think it's important that you hear."

Bella closed her mouth and waited, eyeing Alice with the only real interest she had shown all day.

Alice's eyes ran over her face for a second before she plunged immediately to the heart of the matter. "Is this really what you want Bella?"

The words Alice chose echoed so closely to those that Jasper had said an hour before and she felt the familiar ache intensify. "Yes," she answered, ignoring any protestations she felt inside.

"I don't believe that, Bella."

Bella swallowed hard. "Well it's true. I was going through a phase, but it's over now. I'm leaving with Edward."

Frowning at the weak parroted response of Edward's words to her, Alice took another route. She grabbed Bella's hand holding it between both of her own tightly, making eye contact with her to make sure her message pushed through Bella's self rationalizing exterior. "Listen to me, and listen well. This isn't a phase you're going through. You need to do what makes you happy. If that is staying with Edward, then fine, stay with him, but you need to choose what it is you want and not make decisions about your life for the sake of someone else. You cannot take the easy route because you feel guilty and you're afraid of hurting people; you've already hurt a lot of people, including me."

She paused to let her words sink in before continuing, "You are not that little girl taking care of your mother and father anymore. You're older, you're stronger and you can't sacrifice your happiness for anyone."

Bella turned over Alice's words in her mind and she could feel two parts of her fighting for purchase inside of her. Jasper had been trying to tell her the same thing, but she had clung to what she thought was right and that was saving her marriage. He had told her once that what was right wasn't always what you should do, but she couldn't convince herself that the alternative was what she should do either, as much as even now she longed for Jasper's presence.

"Why are you telling me this?" she asked suddenly, the idea finally settling in that Alice _wanted_ her to choose Jasper.

"For you," Alice replied simply, though Bella could see the sorrow in her eyes. "But most of all for Jasper. It isn't easy for me to be here, but I care about him and he deserves better than this."

As if on cue, Alice's phone rang. She pulled it out of her pocket swiftly and put it to her ear without greeting the person on the other end. Bella could hear the voice on the other end of the line and she knew immediately it was Jasper. Her throat constricted and her whole body stood at attention. She listened, savoring the sound of his voice, even though the words were not meant for her ears.

"Yes, I'll be there," Alice replied, watching Bella's face as she spoke. "No, it won't be a problem…Okay, I'll see you soon."

Alice hung up the phone and studied how Bella had reacted to the sound of Jasper's voice, the way her eyes blinked back invisible tears and her lip quivered. The old affection she felt towards the woman she considered her sister swelled up and she moved suddenly to hug her, aware of how strange it was to comfort the woman that had knowingly betrayed her.

"I know you love Edward, you probably always will," Alice whispered softly in Bella's ear. "But you love Jasper too, in a different way. Make the right decision, for everyone."

The heartbreak that had so wholly consumed Bella washed over her anew and she gripped Alice like a life raft. When she thought of what it meant to love Jasper she felt as if her anchor to the world was tenuous and that there was no way it would hold. She imagined herself drifting away from herself and from everyone she held dear.

With one final tender squeeze, Alice released her quickly, turning on her heels and heading for the door. She stopped in the doorway and looked back at her friend. "And Bella," she said, waiting for Bella's eyes to focus on her face. "Don't lie to yourself and say you can just forget Jasper. You can't. I don't know how anybody could."

She wondered if what she had said to her would be enough to change things back to the way she had foreseen. Looking into the future she saw Bella sitting with Edward, the same blank expression behind her eyes and she frowned. For a moment the vision flickered as if on the point of changing, but it remained as solid as ever.

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**A/N: Thanks again to all of the people that have been reviewing and putting my story on alert. Next chapter will be the last, I hope I can resolve the frustration some of you feel with Bella. :) Let me know what you thought about this chapter...I wrote it after a long hiatus from the beginning of the story.**


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: So this has been a labor of love and it is finally finished. Thank you to everyone that has left me such kind reviews, I wish I could respond to everyone individually. There may be some mistakes because I can't stand to look at the thing anymore :P

I hope you enjoy the ending.

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Chapter Twelve:

The morning was gray and because the snow had continued to fall through the night, the view from the bedroom window was desolate and colorless like an old black and white photograph. Bella looked out at the stark scene through blank eyes, her mind occupied with Alice's words the evening before.

What remained of the night had been spent packing and she had had little conversation with Edward. She had expected him to continue with his strange excitement and optimism, but even he seemed subdued and troubled by something. She wondered if Alice had spoken to him as well or if he had merely heard their conversation and therefore had as much to think about as she did.

She turned away from the window and surveyed her suitcases in their neat stack at the end of the bed. The petty problems that packing usually brought were lost to her and she couldn't manage to be concerned about whether or not she had packed everything she needed.

The absolute silence in the house was strange compared to the usual boisterous laughing and chatter of her family and it only served to remind her of all of the mistakes she had made in recent days and how those choices had led to this lonely place.

A thought chewed at the very edge of her mind that she was making yet another mistake now, but she ignored it and stood from her seat by the window to carry her bags down the stairs.

Edward stood in the living room, his fingers gently caressing the edge of his piano, his expression blank. When Bella came down the stairs he registered her presence, but didn't look at her. "Are you ready?"

"Yes."

"Let me put your stuff in the car," he said, abandoning his piano and quickly taking her bags from her.

After he walked out the door, Bella looked up towards the stairs, expecting Emmett or Rosalie to come down at any moment to say goodbye. When nobody appeared, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to remember the fact that their distance was derived from her betrayal and destruction of the once solid family unit. Even with this knowledge, she could feel the weight of an ever widening emptiness press upon her.

She would have at least expected Emmett, who had let her go to Jasper against Edward's wishes, but perhaps even he was beginning to hate her for what she had done.

Just as she had lost hope that anyone would appear before they left, Alice came in from the back of the house.

"You were supposed to be gone by now," Alice said, furrowing her eyebrows momentarily and then relaxing her expression. She considered letting her leave without mentioning Jasper again, but she couldn't help but add, "Jasper is on his way here to get some of his things."

The tightness in Bella's chest expanded at the thought of his nearness, but before she was able to respond Edward was at her side. "Then we're leaving," he said, grabbing Bella's arm at the elbow.

Alice sighed, but knew she couldn't push her point upon them any further. "Be safe."

Bella tried to manage a smile at Alice, but she didn't think it came across as particularly joyous. In the end she couldn't even hug her friend, she just wanted to be out before the terrible pressure she felt around her forced her to break.

Edward nodded in Alice's direction and turned towards the door, never releasing Bella from his grip. Even he felt the need to leave the house as quickly as possible. Not only because he knew Jasper was going to be there soon, but because he could feel his resolve to leave and hold onto Bella propelling him forward and the sooner they were away from the scene of the crime perhaps the sooner she could get over Jasper and return to him.

Once they were outside the car, Bella looked up at the house that she had called her home for many years and she could feel the ache of sorrow in her chest. She wasn't sure if it felt like the end of something or the beginning of something else, or if it was neither of those things. In a way she felt as if she were in the middle of two places, a purgatory that required a decision to get through. She had assumed that she had made that decision when she chose to stay with Edward, but something still felt undone and she didn't know if she would ever stop feeling as though she were trapped.

Trapped, the word stuck in her mind and on her tongue like a thick film.

She glanced at Edward as he got into the car and closed the door loudly behind him. She regarded the tightly set line of his jaw and his stiff, unmoving shoulders and she could see none of the boy she remembered meeting all of those years before, the memory, however hazy, still clinging to the corners of her mind like wispy tendrils of blue smoke.

Alice's words before they left came back to her, _Be safe_, words that Edward had written to her so many years before, words that she had held onto like a talisman. They meant something different to her then. Now, when she repeated the words to herself she kept thinking, _But I am being safe, I'm making the safe choice_. She tried to stop herself from thinking it, but the thought popped into her head nonetheless, _And that's why it's the wrong one_.

She tried to remember what had transpired to lead her to this point in her life when making what was supposed to be the safe, right choice felt like making a mistake.

In some ways it had been so easy to fall in love with Edward. With him she had known the ending. They were the fairy tale star crossed lovers, human and vampire who loved each other despite everything, destined to be with one another for eternity. Their relationship was the one that stories were written about, the same stories she had read with voracity as a teenager.

But Jasper was the frightening unknown. With him it was all electricity and life; every moment in his presence a fire that burned all the way to her fingertips. She hadn't known what that kind of passion was at seventeen and thirty years later it had taken her by such surprise that she hadn't even been able to give a name to it.

He had come to her when she was at a low point, when she had killed a man, and even then he had understood her more than anyone. Edward had expected her to be perfect and never slip and Jasper had never expected perfection from her and yet he had found it in her, even in her moment of greatest weakness.

"Put your seat belt on," Edward barked, breaking her from her torrential thoughts.

"What?" she asked, as if in a daze.

"Put your damn seat belt on, Bella," he replied impatiently, barely glancing in her direction.

She complied instantly, though there was no necessity for seat belts, not wanting to do anything to upset him for any reason. She could see herself doing just that for the entirety of their lives, complying, relenting, and shrinking under his demands and the incredible tightness and pressure she felt inside of her reached an unbearable level, the word trapped floating through her mind once more.

At that moment she could see her life with Edward spread out before her, a vast expanse of silence, guilt and resentment; relinquishing control of her life because she felt guilty for what she had done.

She suddenly felt incredulous at the thought. How could she let her guilt and her fear of the unknown shackle her to a life that would be completely devoid of the happiness and freedom she felt with Jasper? Alice said be safe, Edward said be safe, but maybe she didn't want to be safe.

As the realization hit her, she felt as if the wind was knocked out of her and her whole body buzzed with vibrating anticipation. She could feel something unravel within her, a letting go of all of the tension and pressure, and the unbearable tightness in her chest. The idea of letting go was a dizzying and suddenly possible prospect and as much as it frightened her she knew that though she could live with Edward forever, it wasn't fair to herself and it wasn't fair to him either.

"Edward, stop the car," she said, her voice coming out much stronger than she had expected. She felt the terrifying feeling of leaping off a high precipice, but it was also strangely exhilarating.

"What's wrong?" he asked, furrowing his eyebrows and turning to look at her.

"I can't do this, stop the car."

He pulled over, but didn't turn off the car or the headlights. They illuminated the road before them and the tiny flakes of snow that had begun to fall more steadily.

She resisted the urge to leap from the car the moment it stopped, knowing she had to say something to Edward but not knowing exactly how to voice the revelation that had seemed to come to her in an instant.

"I can't do this," she repeated, regurgitating what she had once heard from a breakup speech, but the words sounded hollow in the face of what had once been their relationship.

"Can't do what?"

She took a deep breath, "I can't go with you. I'm sorry."

He finally turned to look at her, his eyes dark and beseeching. "Bella, you have to. We belong together, we have always belonged together."

"Something has changed, Edward."

"No," he replied, shaking his head and fighting the sick feeling rising inside of him. "It can't change, we can't change."

"But it has," she said slowly, trying to suss out the feelings that were coming to her rapidly and explain them to him just as she was learning them herself. "I always thought that becoming a vampire meant never changing, but I was wrong. It means an endless possibility for change. It's like Jasper told me, we have eternity to figure out who we are and I may not know that yet, but I do know that I am not the same girl you met all those years ago. I've changed and so have you. We don't love each other the same way anymore and we can't keep faking it until we do."

"Bella…" Edward protested, his throat constricting against the tears. "I do love you. You don't even know what it's like to be with him. Having a relationship is different than making a mistake. We had a life together, we can have one again."

She tensed and closed her eyes, knowing she had to admit to him what she had already admitted to herself. She opened her eyes slowly, steeling herself for what she knew would be a terrible blow. "Edward...I love him."

The words hit him harder than anything he had felt before and as soon as he heard them, he could finally feel all of the anger and betrayal he had pushed away come to the surface. Before he had forced himself to focus on Jasper and excuse her, but now he knew that there was no way he would be able to fight the resentment he felt towards her forever, no matter if she stayed with him and worked it out or not.

"I am so angry with you Bella," he said aloud, more for his own benefit than for her.

"I know."

"No, you don't know," he was suddenly yelling now, surprised at the loudness of his own voice. The image he had caught from Jasper's mind of Bella laying on the beach with Jasper between her legs flickered in his brain and strengthened his already mounting anger. "You don't know Bella. This isn't fair, none of it. I tried to make things work, I tried so hard and you...you just gave yourself to him. I gave you this life, I gave you my love, and now its just over?"

"I'm sorry."

He furrowed his eyebrows and let out a shaky breath. "No, you're not sorry."

"I'm sorry for hurting you, yes."

"But you're not sorry for what you did," he replied, and though it pained him to say it, he continued. "You love him, you want to be with him and you don't want to be with me anymore."

All of the boldness that Bella had convinced herself was false; the cliff diving, the moments with Jasper in the forest, everything she had admitted to Edward was a phase, flowed through her now and she could finally say exactly how she felt. "No, I don't."

They were both silent for a long moment, a frenzy of fear and emotion between them.

Finally Edward spoke, his voice thick with sadness. "I don't want to let you go, Bella."

She bit her bottom lip and reached over to stroke the side of his face. He didn't stop her, even though the action caused a terrible pang in his chest. "You don't have to, I'm already gone. The only thing you have to do now is not stop me."

Everything inside of Edward told him to keep her with him, to do what he thought was right and salvage their relationship and their love, but what she had said penetrated into him and even though the thought of letting go his first love was painful and unimaginable, he knew that she was right and that what they once were had changed long before Jasper had come into the picture.

He remembered the seventeen year old girl he had married, the one that had so wholly consumed his every thought and when he looked at Bella across the small space of the car he saw her there still, forever young and frozen in time, but the eyes that were so young and innocent then, now held the gaze of an adult. She had changed and he had somehow overlooked it.

They had grown, but grown apart.

He mustered as much strength as he could to utter the word, and though he knew that she required no permission, she would wait to hear it. "Go."

It was a hoarse whisper, but it was out.

She swallowed hard and kept her eyes fastened to his face. She didn't know the next time she would see him and though she had already made the decision to leave it was difficult to give up all her years with him and the fairy tale that she had written for them in her mind. "I'll always love you Edward Cullen."

He closed his eyes and nodded, his throat choking up. When he opened them again, her hand was on the handle of the door.

With one final look, she opened it and stepped out, closing the door on her old life.

Without another thought, she began to run in the direction of home. She wasn't sure what she would say or do when she got there, but she knew Jasper was there getting his things and she needed to get to him before he left.

Her feet moved with greater speed than she had ever remembered before. The wind and snow whipped across her face and through her hair, but she was oblivious to it. Even though she was still keenly aware of the end of her marriage, she could only focus on the remarkable freedom and lightness she felt. While she ran, she shook off the last tie to who she thought she should be and surrendered herself to who she had become.

All of that coupled with the mounting excitement of finally being with Jasper without the guilt and sadness that had come along with it, served as a guiding force driving her feet onward, faster and faster.

As she turned the corner into the drive, her feet pounding the road in what she imagined would echo the sound of her heart if it had still been beating, she heard nothing from inside the house. She didn't focus on searching for Jasper's voice or the voice of Alice, instead focusing all of her attention on the doorway that even now stood wide open where the door had once been.

In an instant she was inside, coming to a stop and taking in the scene of the living room. Rosalie, Emmett and Alice all sat with one another, seemingly in the middle of a conversation.

When Emmett saw her, his mouth fell open in surprise and he tried to process what he was seeing. After a moment he realized the implications of Bella's presence and though his heart instantly ached for Edward, he knew that the happiness and excitement he saw on Bella's face was what was right.

Alice on the other hand was not at all surprised to see Bella, and she couldn't help the smile that broke out on her face.

"Where is he?" Bella asked, looking once more over the room as if she could have overlooked him before. Her eyes instantly darted to the stairs and the direction of his room, expecting him at any moment to come bounding down the stairs and into her arms, but he didn't.

"He left," Rosalie said somewhat carelessly, knowing that her anger at Bella for upsetting the family balance was a useless emotion, but still feeling as though she deserved the jab. In her heart of hearts she was proud of Bella for making her decision for herself, but she would never admit it.

Bella felt all of her excitement and happiness drain from her body, and she felt almost as though she had been physically deflated. "Left? To where?"

Alice quickly shot a look at Rosalie before standing up and going to Bella. "He did leave, but you can still go to him. Here," she said, taking the already written note from her pocket. "I knew you'd be back so I wrote this down for you. This is the address of the cabin. It's about five miles from here."

Bella could feel herself swell up once more after her momentary disappointment. "Thank you so much Alice."

She took the address from Alice's hand, scanning it quickly before thrusting it into her pocket. She looked intently at the smaller woman's face, wanting to turn and run to Jasper at that moment but not wanting to leave without saying anything. "I...I love you Alice. I don't know when I'll see you."

"I do," Alice said with a smile.

Bella grabbed her and hugged her tightly for a long moment, happy to know it wouldn't be the last she saw of her friend, despite everything that had happened and how she had hurt her. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

Alice saw flashes of Bella's life with Jasper, and she swallowed the conflicting joy and pain she felt along with the images. "Look after each other."

"We will," she responded, squeezing Alice a little more tightly.

"I know you will."

"And Edward?" Bella questioned tentatively, thinking of him left completely alone in the car as she released Alice from her embrace.

"He'll be okay," Alice replied slowly. "With time."

Bella nodded, and finally looked away from Alice at Emmett and Rosalie. In an instant Emmett was at her side and his arms were around her in a bear hug. "Bye little sis."

"Bye Em," she said quietly.

After he released her, she went to Rosalie and without permission hugged her. "I'll miss you."

At first Rosalie frowned, but her face softened at Bella's words. "I'll miss you too," she admitted.

Bella let her go and moved towards the door. She could have stayed forever, saying goodbyes and lingering with the family she would miss more than she was able to express, but she could feel the pull of her future leading her out the door.

Without another word she was gone, running even faster than she had before. A distance of five miles once seemed trivial, but now felt like a wide gap dividing her from the man she loved.

The blur of the trees disappeared in the wake of her imagined reunion with Jasper. She could see herself running to him, throwing the door open and leaping into his arms and not releasing him for hours. Even then she knew that her imagination would pale in comparison to what would actually occur.

Anxious and excited, she flew through the last mile at her top speed, remembering her race with Jasper that had been preceded by a kiss. She hoped that this last race towards him would end with a kiss instead.

Finally, she broke the line of trees that surrounded the small cabin just as her excitement, anxiousness and love had reached its incredible crescendo.

From inside the cabin, Jasper could feel the sudden influx of raw emotions invade his senses and he knew immediately that Bella was nearby. Without a thought he was at the cabin door, flinging it open and taking in her windswept appearance. Somehow she had never looked more beautiful to him than at that moment.

He could feel his heart swell, every emotion inside of him that had once been weighted down with sadness, now replaced with relief and happiness. Instead of saying anything about her sudden arrival, or allowing her to speak, he rushed to her, enveloping her in his arms and pressing his face into her hair.

"You came back," he said finally, not wanting to release her from his embrace, but needing to look at her. He had never expected to see her again and yet here she was.

"I came back," she whispered, remembering his admission to her in the car about how he himself had come back all of those years before.

He studied her face, but kept his arms around her. Their faces were inches apart and Bella began to lean in to kiss him, but he pulled his face back. She looked at him, startled.

Even though Jasper could feel nothing but happiness and love emanating from her, not even an ounce of doubt or confusion, he remembered the pain he felt when she had left him the first time and he couldn't trust his ability to keep his heart safe. "You won't leave this time?"

Bella remembered his face in the forest, the goodbye kiss and hearing his whispered 'I love you' over the sound of the wind. "No, no I won't."

Jasper felt relieved, though her feelings should have been all the assurance he needed, it felt good to hear the words from her. This time, it was he who leaned in to kiss her, pressing his lips to hers with such urgency that Bella felt her insides flutter.

He resisted the urge to pick her up and carry her into the cabin.

Just as the kiss deepened and seemed to be leading to more, Bella stopped. "We have plenty of time for that, I want to tell you something first."

"Anything."

"I'm sorry for leaving like I did...I guess I was scared."

"Scared of what?"

Bella tried to remember her exact train of thought from her car ride with Edward, but it was difficult to think of anything with Jasper's proximity.

"I was scared of what would happen if we were together, what the future would hold. Thirty years ago I planned out my whole life with Edward and I never imagined that you and I would become what we did. You didn't fit into what I thought would be my future, but I have changed and those plans no longer contain what will make me happy. And I realized something when I was driving away, I could have stayed with Edward forever, clinging to that unhappy, impossible future...I could have lived without you..."

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, interrupting her. "Well if that's the case then..."

She silenced him, putting her finger up to his lips. "Let me finish. I could have lived without you Jasper, but I don't want to."

He kissed her again at her words, putting all of his emotion behind it. Bella felt her knees go weak beneath her and she wrapped her arms tightly around him in support.

After kissing him for a few minutes, she pulled away again. "I know I don't have to explain all of this to you now, but I can't wait another moment to say this to you. I may not know what is going to happen, but I know that I love you Jasper and I couldn't be away from you for another second."

I love you. He had heard her whisper those very words as she ran away from him in the forest, but hearing them now without the hopelessness and sadness that had been tied to them before, he felt elated.

"I love you too," he replied without hesitation, kissing her once more, feeling her lips on his and her love mingling with his own like a warm beacon in his chest.

"We don't have to figure it all out now, we can just live and..."

"Bella..."

He kissed her.

"...be with one another, and..."

He laughed. "Bella."

She stopped, looking into his amused eyes. "Yes?"

He put his hands on the side of her face, brushing away her hair. "Let's just go inside."

She smiled, taking his hand in hers and walking with him into the cabin, closing the door behind her.

The End


End file.
